What We Can Learn From
Star Jones

I have never been one for gossip, but I could not resist talking about something that has been overly gossiped about since it all started four plus years ago. My intention in discussing this is to learn lessons vicariously through the seemingly “poor judgment” of others.

Star Jones filed for divorce on March 26th from husband Al Reynolds, just three years after the million dollar, fully sponsored wedding extravaganza, excessive speculation that he is gay, and rumors that he was living off of her (he allegedly hasn’t worked in three years). I know that this is where the judgment, laughter, and “I knew it” start. Well I say, “Could I be Star?” or “Could you be Star?”

I went online today to read some of the blogs about Star Jones and her impending divorce. I was shocked to read so much hate and judgment about Star and her situation. Some black people are so quick to judge, but are no good at self analysis. I believe that as people we are not much different than one another, and if an educated, strong black woman like Star Jones can have the “lapse in judgment” that she had, then so can I and so can you.

Typically, people are quick to say, “I would never….” I say that we should all use Star Jones’ situation as an opportunity to look at our own lives. So here goes. I am in my early 30s and I am not married. I have to admit that there have been a couple of relationships that I knew I should not have gotten into before they even started, including my last relationship. I have, however, been swept up by the romance of them, and/or I was rebounding from a prior relationship. I may have been able to have “hasty judgment” without following through with marriage. And I may have been able to leave these relationships unscathed, but “should I know better?” Perhaps I should, perhaps we all should, but we have all made decisions that we wish that we didn’t, that we wish we could take back or that taught us something about ourselves.

Now, most of us talk about the “mistakes” that we have made being small or different than Star’s huge “mistake” in the media spotlight, and that really doesn’t matter. I don’t think we should quantify our “mistakes,” but instead ask how we can make efforts to make fully conscious decisions in our lives and learn from the so-called “mistakes” when they are made.

The most important thing is that we learn, and I am taking this opportunity to look at my life and say I will not pass judgment on Star Jones, but instead I will make an effort to be more cautious, conscious and thoughtful in my decision making.

Truth be told…we should all look at our own lives and stop judging others for theirs.

We are imperfectly perfect spiritual beings having a human experience. We will all continue to make “mistakes” and have opportunities to learn and grow from them. I just hope that the next time you or I start to judge someone else about their decision making skills, we look at our own lives.

ReNina Minter is a former elementary school teacher who followed her passion and earned a Masters in Clinical Psychology. Minter is now a Certified Life Coach. Check out her website at Her editorials are exclusive to UTC.

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