Are Men As Twisted About Relationships As Women Are?

Over $16 glasses of Pinot or a succulent steak, are they cursing our existence only to rush to their blackberry the second it beeps in the hopes it’s one of us calling?

I’m thinking no. I’m thinking that when men get together they talk about that big deal they just closed. How they scored twelve points in a pick up game last Saturday. How the Celtics are contenders once again. I’m thinking men are simply more evolved…or self-involved, I’m not sure which. Both options beat being twisted up beyond recognition, which sadly, I feel more and more women are starting to become.

I admit up front that I’m speaking in generalities here. There’s exceptions to every rule. But lately it seems to me that all single women can talk about is how they want a man, any man. And, all married women can seem to talk about is how they aren’t really feeling the man they have, but aren’t going anywhere because nothing’s worse than wanting a man and not having one - even one you’re not really feeling.

Ladies, it’s time for us to advance the conversation. There’s a war going on. The Lakers are almost contenders once again. The pound is kicking the dollar’s ass. Obama. Obama. Obama. Something…anything…other than THEM.

A typical night out with my single girlfriends (surprisingly there aren’t too many of them left, but the few that are, are real bitter about it) consists of dinner, pictures of their babies (the pet variety, I blame Oprah for this), and endless complaints about how there are so few good men out there (breathe easy brothas, apparently white boys are no walk in the park either).

Over the course of 168 girls night out events, my friends have taught me that a “good man” has a passport (the more stamps it has the fewer of the following he needs), a job, a momma he loves, books that he occasionally reads, a car, (preferably a BMW, Benz, Rover. Personally, I would dig a man rocking a Prius, if he’s sporting some tight ass shades), and finally some cash. It goes without saying the more cash he has, the less of the other stuff he needs.

A typical night out with my married girlfriends consists of dinner, pictures of their babies (the human variety, gotta say, often not as cute as the four legged critters) and complaints about their no good husbands. These outings have taught me that a “no good” husband tells you two days before the wedding some girl he used to kick it with is pregnant with his baby. Every chance he gets he reminds you how lucky you are to have him. And, has the uncanny ability of extracting all the details of your whereabouts without revealing so much as a hint about his. Whether or not he’s somewhere he shouldn’t be can suck the wind out of the evening real quick.

And so I issue a challenge to every woman out there-next girl’s night out, try, just try, if only for one night, not to talk about THEM. Talk about whether Bush should boycott the Olympic Opening Ceremonies because of China’s ruthless business dealings with Sudan. Talk about Katie Holmes getting to design her own line for Armani. Hell, talk about you. The part of you that exists outside of them (she’s in there somewhere, I know it. She has to be and if she’s not, fight to the death to get her back).

As for you brothas out there, holler back and let me know what it is you all talk about amongst yourselves. I’ve conjured up all sorts of romantic fantasies about a table full of men sitting around talking about the recent elections in Zimbabwe. Or how Obama hater Tavis Smiley quit the Tom Joyner Morning Show because listeners sided with the future President of the United States. Or, how no one over the age of thirty ever thought that in their lifetime there would even be an Obama for Smiley to be all bent out of shape about!

And if by chance, over a well-aged port, try to drop in a line here and there about how that extra workout your girl is putting in is really starting to pay off…. how smart we are… how you can’t live without us except maybe for the two hours you spend chilling with your boys talking about anything and everything but…us.

Tamara T. Gregory is a writer/producer/traveler. Happily single (yes, there really is such a thing), she is an expert on the dating game. Her debut novel, Passport Diaries, is an LA Times bestseller and is soon to become a Hollywood motion picture. The book is available at

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April 17th, 2008 at 2:28 am missme says:

Talk about ourselves? A novel concept! Listen up ladies. She’s speaking the truth here. I need to listen my damn self.

April 17th, 2008 at 3:30 am kamalp says:


<!-- em class="date">April 17th,