I am almost embarrassed that some of my friends, who are around 40 years old, have finally exercised their right to vote. Yes, it’s good that they did it as opposed to never doing, it but to not have done it is still something that amazes me. Not being involved in who is making decisions for your well-being is not a wise decision. Allowing others who have no interest in you or your concerns to make laws and decisions that affect you doesn’t sit well with me, especially when these rights were fought for our benefit.

What people still don’t understand is that there is still a lot on the table, even in local elections and we must not stop at the presidential election every four years. I’ve stated this almost yearly that we can’t just be concerned about candidates and politics when there is a presidential election. We must have the same energy and focus when it comes to electing our mayors, governors, congressmen, representatives, councilmen, judges and every office in between all of those!

The parties are good, the celebration is great but the struggle is still here. As you look on TV, listen to radio, search the internet, you will see that other factors out there mad are as hell about what has transpired. Violence is being committed on innocent people based on their skin color because of the outcome of a major election, and you think the struggle is over?

We are having the SAME fight we’ve had for years, our parents have had, our grandparents have had and most likely our children will have! We cannot rest on our laurels now and not in the near OR distant future! I still have a great chance of being arrested based on the color of my skin, not my actions. I can still be assaulted by these ignorant racists who are trying to make a point. I can still be denied a job based on how I look, not my abilities.

I know this should be happy times but I have to look at the realistic painting being drawn. There is still a lot of work to do and we cannot think that by having a Black president that we are about to see a breakthrough immediately! This includes continuing to vote, finding out about every candidate who is running for political office. Finding out WHO your politicians are and what roles they play. Knowing what laws are out there, what your rights are. Organizing OUR communities and stop looking for others to help us or bail us out. TEACH our children, GUIDE our children and LOVE our children. Stop the blatant ignorance that is being shown, specifically in the Hip Hop community, where the voice may actually be the strongest for us.

These are just a few examples and we ALL need to first look at ourselves, and then after we realize how we can help, reach out to help others.

The struggle is NOT over and shouldn’t be treated as such!

BIG CED is the founder/owner and visionary for The Industry Cosign and has been involved in the entertainment field for over two decades. His rants on music and the industry-at-large are exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.

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I don’t know who originated this quote but it has made the rounds both before and after the election. What does it really mean and is there any truth to it?

The quote argues that no one is really responsible for their own success but that individual success is due at least in part to these who have walked that same path before you. Do African-Americans owe a debt to those who came before us and if so how does that relate to our decision to give back or support those who are less fortunate?

When I think about this issue, I’m reminded of a line from Jay-Z’s song “H.O.V.A.” where he talks about his past and explains that he experienced certain events in his life so that the next generation would not have those same difficulties: “Hov did that, so hopefully you don’t have to go through that.” He acknowledges that the difficulties he experienced paved the way for those who came after him were so that future artists would not have to face those same challenges. This concept is not just limited to the world of hip hop.

Is any portion of our academic success, financial security or general prosperity a result of our predecessors? Most of us would not have been able to achieve the successes that we have, if we did not have parents and grandparents who sacrificed to make things a little bit better, socially and financially. While most of us would agree that we owe a debt of gratitude to our direct ancestors, who sacrificed for the benefits we now enjoy, what about those that we’ve never met who made sacrifices for the larger “cause” or “movement” so that we could get to where are?

The names we know like Martin Luther King, John Lewis and Rosa Parks–but also those unsung he-roes and she-roes whose names never made it into the history books.

But that was a long time ago. For many of us these are individuals who did their greatest work before we were even born so why are their actions relevant to me today? Fifty years later, do we really have owe anything to Rosa Parks and Thurgood Marshall? Forty-five years later do we really owe anything to Martin Luther King? Should we just say thanks for the three-day MLK holiday weekend and move on with our lives?

We shouldn’t forget those unidentified people who braved water hoses to register to vote so that 45 years later we could not only vote, but vote for an African-American presidential candidate. We wouldn’t be able to live in integrated neighborhoods and go to the best schools in the country (and have parents who could afford to send us to them) if it weren’t for those who fought for equality before us.

We would not be rejoicing over President-Elect Obama, if Shirley Chisholm, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson had not tried to become President before him. And even though they did not get to the “promised land” of the presidency themselves, they paved the way so that we as a people could get to the “promised land.”

This isn’t a history lesson and everyone has heard what I just said before. The question is “what should I do about it?” The answer: you should “give back” in some way and give someone else a helping hand. Marion Wright Edelman said, “Service is the rent we pay for living.” Well, the rent check is past due. Each of must do something to contribute.

Some of us think that we have no one but ourselves to thank for our success. Everything that we have is because we are smart, talented and hard-working. But we are not unique– there were and are others who were just as smart, just as talented and just as ambitious, who did not have the same opportunities. “To Whom Much is Given Much is Expected.” Many things have changed—we are able to vote without paying a poll tax, we do not have to worry about being turned away from the polls because of the color of your skin, and we’ve been able to vote and elect a black president. We can’t take that luck for granted. We have to DO SOMETHING.

This summer HBO aired the documentary “The Black List”. One of my favorite segments was Al Sharpton, when he talked about a conversation he had with someone who said “I didn’t make it because of civil rights; civil rights didn’t write my resume.” Mr. Sharpton’s response was “Yes, but civil rights made someone read your resume.” As we celebrate our new President lets not forget not only how far we’ve come but also how far we need to go. We owe a debt of gratitude to those giants on whose shoulders we stand. The best way to start to pay back that debt is by paying it forward, lending a helping hand and making a commitment to make a difference by using your time and financial resources, no matter how large or small, to make someone’s path a little easier.

Enough preaching, now solutions . . .

To be continued…

Angelia Dickens is an attorney and author with lots of thoughts and opinions, and now a place to share them (other than with her friends and family). Her blog is a compilation of her musings and commentary on charitable giving, volunteerism and philanthropy from an African-American perspective. Her writings have appeared in the Nonprofit Times and the Root.com. She can be reached at speakyourvoice@gmail.com. Read, comment and circulate.

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Word on the street is Paula is about to roll out or in the politically correct term, is about to “transition” from Fox’s “American Idol” to begin working on several new TV projects.

Now whether the fans have been dogging her or she has been getting on the executives last nerves remains to be uncovered. Right now she is filming “Paula Abdul’s RAH Cheerleading Bowl,” a competition program that will air New Year’s Day on MTV.

Now in case you haven’t heard, right in front of Paula’s house last week in Beverly Hill’s an obsessed fan, Paula Goodspeed, committed suicide outside of her home and now Paula considers her house to be “haunted,” and even after hiring “healers” to cleanse the house of ghosts. Paula’s rep says, “Paula Goodspeed was a deranged stalker who sent her (Paula Abdul) death threats.”

OUTKAST BRINGING THE GOODS IN 2009
Well, it’s about damn time. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feenin’ for a new Outkast joint. Yeah, the solo projects are “cute’ but the dynamic duo is the truth! Word is that Big Boi and Andre 3000 will finally release two solo albums and one collective project in 2009.

Hard to believe that their last album “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below” was released ions ago back in September 2003. Dang how time flies. Big Boi said his second solo joint will be called, “Sir Lucious Leftfoot: The Son of Chico Dusty,” either in January or February, and Andre 3000 releasing his creation soon after. The pair will then begin recording the Outkast project for release later in 2009.

Personally, I wish it was the other way around, gimme the Outkast album first, then the solo joints.

PRINCE GETS SUED
Now, as tight as Prince’s pants are, look at who’s trying to get their hands in his pockets. A perfume company is claiming Prince and his music publisher failed to honor a contract to help market a fragrance named for the album “3121.”

The breach-of-contract lawsuit was filed by Revelations Perfume and Cosmetics Inc. in New York. The company says it licensed Prince’s name, likeness and the album title “3121″ to market its fragrance.

Revelations says it spent $2.5 million and agreed to pay Universal half of net profits from sales of the perfume. But it claims Universal and Prince haven’t participated in various promotions since the fragrance launch in July 2007.

Of course Prince and his 20 people have no words for anyone regarding this!

MICHAEL JACKSON SUED….AGAIN
I don’t know why folks keep going after this man. At this point all he has left to give are body parts, but he probably willed them to the Smithsonian or something.

This time, the son of an Arab monarch took the King of Pop to court, charging that Michael Jackson took $7 million as an advance on an album and an autobiography that he never produced.

Lawyers for Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa say that Michael Jackson took expenses as an advance on the book and joint recording project with the sheikh, who is an amateur songwriter. Michael “claims” the money was a gift. I like the “ole gift routine;” it never works on the “People’s Court.”

Check out the “gift” breakdown:

1. Al Khalifa’s first payment, for $35,000, went toward paying the utility bills at Neverland, Jackson’s 2,500-acre (1,000 hectare) ranch and miniature amusement park in California…

2. Then when Jackson was found innocent of the molestation charges in June 2005, Al Khalifa footed $2.2 million in legal bills, the lawyer said.

3. Al Khalifa moved Michael and his entourage to Bahrain right after the molestation trial, setting up a recording studio for him in Manama. The sheikh, who is the governor of Bahrain’s Southern Province, hooked Mike up with $500,000 in cash to subsidize his lifestyle and splashed out on a $350,000 European vacation for Michael and his crew in February of 2006.

4. “The costs even included the expenses of bringing out Mr. Jackson’s hairdresser.”

Damn I wish I could do weaves. Don’t hold your breathe boys, consider it a tax right off!

NEWS BLAST
MARY J. BLIGE LAUNCHES FRAGRANCE CALLED “MY LIFE” through Carol’s
Daughter…

MICHAEL JACKSON’S “THRILLER” IS HEADED TO BROADWAY…

USHER OPENS WINE RESTAURANT IN LAS VEGAS…

LIL WAYNE, T-PAIN TOUR featuring Keyshia Cole, & Gym Class Heroes begins December 18…

SEAL ALBUM “SOUL” Covers Sam Cooke, Al Green, Curtis Mayfield, and Otis
Redding (very HOT!)…

CLIPSE CLOTHING LINE “Play Clothes” in stores this week. New album “Til’
The Casket Drops” due March 2009…

Big Lez has interviewed everyone from Tupac and The Notorious B.I.G. to Mary J. Blige and Tom Cruise. She was host of and producer of BET’s landmark show “Rap City” and has enjoyed an extensive tenure in radio as co-host of The Steve Harvey Morning Show in Los Angeles, plus stints at New York’s WQHT/Hot 97, Atlanta’s WAOK/V103, LA’s Big Boy Morning Show at KPWR/Power 106 and Sirius Satellite Radio. Currently, Lez is partnered with DVA Media + Marketing as producer and host of the syndicated urban radio report, “The Urban Eye,” which launches nationwide first quarter of 2009.

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The top five rated shows from last week were “NCIS”, “Dancing with the Stars”, “The Mentalist”, “House” and “Without a Trace.” They are all solid. I have seen them all and you all know I’ve recommended “House” and “The Mentalist.” However, do any of these feel like we, or history, will look at them 20 years from now, the way we look at “I Love Lucy” or “The Cosby Show” or any of the all time greats?

I’ve been watching more TV than ever before, thanks to UTC, and let me tell you, it’s not easy. Carving out hours and hours to look at a lot of junk that never even makes it to this blog is a painful job (here it comes) but someone has to do it. What strikes me as unusual with all of the channels, and wide variety of interests is that logic says creative, smart, funny and engaging programming should be evident all across the dial. Oops, not so much.

This isn’t a dig at the current crop of top rated shows. I watch and enjoy many of them and we can’t expect all of them to be great. But can we have at least two? I can remember great moments from every show I listed some from over 20 years ago. I can’t remember some things that happened last week on shows I watch now.

I’m just wondering if I’m transitioning into my grandparents. Not my parents, my GRANDPARENTS! Everything was always better, cleaner, nicer and higher quality “back in the day.” I don’t know if I need to be more objective or if it’s just a fact. Is today’s fast paced, impatient world just not as creative, bold and daring as past generations? Are executives at the networks killing good ideas by committee? Are audiences too fragmented by cable and satellite choices?

Here’s what I know for sure, great shows don’t survive in syndication on nostalgia alone. They get ratings because people will watch quality programming over and over. I’ll be curious to see in 2028 which primetime shows are still on the air.

Let me get my remote!

Darryl Bell is an actor and Chicago native, best known for his role in classic TV series “A Different World” and Spike Lee’s “School Daze.” His unique television commentary is exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.

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If you understand basic economics, complexities of the corporate structure and leadership models, you realize that it is impossible for such a small group (albeit powerful) to be responsible for all of this nations and the international communities’ financial problems. We must consider the effects of individual and corporate (including the international community) dependence on financial assistance from our government, a multi-year war, no bid national contracts, significant funds to repair and maintain foreign counties, criminal activities at all levels, wastefulness of natural resources, etc…

There are many players in this game of economic roulette.

Even our most conservative citizens have some socialist tendencies. Consider those who claim to be capitalists believing in the free market to determine what services and goods should be produced and supported, but government assistance to those who due to unfortunate circumstances can not do for themselves. These same individuals tend to accept governmental assistance for businesses through special tax breaks (credits) and sometimes direct corporate financial support. It seems we as a nation have challenges in determining who should receive government assistance.

The corporations are but a part of the entire economic pie, government infrastructure and decision making is key to moving towards an antidote to these economic woes plaguing our nation.

Basketball lesson

Let’s consider this analogy. You have a basketball team with a captain, coach and well trained squad. The team plays a game using great offensive and defensive plays, keeps fouls respectable, shooting percentage commendable, but still loses the game. Who’s to blame for the loss, the coach or the team captain? The coach and the team captain are held responsible, but in reality it’s the entire team. All must take responsibility for both the success and failures of the team.

In my mind, the same is true for the corporate board. Within a business structure, the board of directors takes the responsibility for the success and failures of the company. Each are responsible for being accountable to the shareholders/owners, company and team but again, in reality, others on the team play a critical role, including executive management, staff, customers, vendors and even media.

Citizens and jobs

Just think if every citizen in the U.S. was very cautious and had no auto accidents for 3 years. You would not need car insurance, car body repair shops, insurance appraisers, etc… Many of our citizens would have to beat the pavement and look for new jobs.

Insurance companies exist to help us cover risks, but if these companies did not exist most likely the citizens would look to our government for help.

How would our stock market look today if the average citizen for years did not speculate on stock based upon their gut instincts or something they heard in the locker-room at the gym? What if instead individuals traded based upon basic fundamentals using a long-term focus considering the financial condition of the company, strength and sophistication of the management team, current/projected/historical profits, new product innovation, etc…

We can all remember the telecommunications bubble and tech stock explosion when speculators were running the price of stock up 5 and 10 fold. Anyone who was bold enough to pull together a professional looking business plan, and put on a good presentation could obtain venture capital funds of $ 5 or $ 10 million without any proof that the product/service had any shelf life. Many of these companies ran for years without ever making a profit, but continued to receive cash injections and be able to sell additional stock until the bottom fell out.

Our nation

Innovate, expand or die is what corporations are always told is needed in order to survive in this “capitalistic” market. Our government will need to do the same with solid fundamentals and measured, planned growth.

I look forward to a U.S. where the government supports its citizens on infrastructure and implements “best practices” procedures, teaches those who need help how to fish and hold everyone accountable versus dependent.

Genevia Gee Fulbright, CPA is President & COO of Fulbright & Fulbright, CPA, PA, a business strategist, tax advisor and author of Make the Leap: Shift from Corporate Worker to Entrepreneur and most recent book Make the Leap: From Mom & Pop to Good Enough to Sell (Infinity Publishing). Her sound financial planning advice tips can be read regularly on www.urbanthoughtcollective.com. Visit Fulbright at www.makeleap.com.

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I sat in coach on my return from Chicago to Oakland. It was a very crowded flight, and even arriving as early as I did, I was unable to secure an exit row seat. But I did get the bulkhead, bulkhead window to be exact. I used to go along with the recommendation of the gate agents when they would explain how, in their view, the aisle was a good seat for those seeking more leg room. I totally disagree now. First of all, it’s not like you can just throw your feet out into the aisle. To do so with my size 15s would be to effectively cut off a main thoroughfare (think Peachtree in Atlanta or Wilshire in L.A. with an 18 wheeler jack-knifed at rush hour).

So, instead of being able to stretch out, you become the human accordion each time someone’s bladder comes calling or the flight attendants come through. Second, you can’t really relax in the aisle seat because you have to be constantly on the look-out for the panser battle tank doubling as the refreshment cart. I’ve seen passengers nearly get their shoulders dislocated when they weren’t aware and got clipped as someone with a smile possessing every bit the intensity of Jack Nicholson’s “Joker” from the “Batman” movies, screams “CHICKEN or PASTA?” at them.

The window seat is clearly the best in the exit row. Three reasons why. First, you might luck up and get the 737 or 757 models that have no seat in front of you in certain exit windows. This is clearly the best seat in the plane beyond the hallowed ground that lies beyond the blue curtain. You’ve got one whole armrest to yourself and a wall to rest your head upon. In the middle, you can be landlocked and frustrated like a middle-eastern country, forced to wage war on two fronts as you risk losing valuable real estate in the form of the armrest. Finally, you’ve got control. No one looks out the window unless you SAY that they look out the window. This can be very key if you are trying to take a nap and the sunlight on your side of the plane is blinding. After all, it’s all about control anyway, isn’t it?

But, I digress. I wasn’t in the exit row.

So, there I was. Bulkhead Window on an A319. Three on the left, three on the right. I had no illusions that I might luck up and have an empty seat next to me. I had already eaten my high quality, food-court, to-go meal before boarding and placed my book and headphones on the seat, optimistically (or naively, you choose) anticipating my solitude. In comes broad-shouldered Benny, a squatty little man shaped like a mini-fridge. He found his way over to my row and seemed to double and triple check that this was actually where his seat was. It was almost as if he was saying,”No…it can’t be…No…say it ain’t so…NOOOO!” I guess he got over that and proceeded to back it on up like a u-haul truck and would have crushed my Bose Quiet Comfort 3 noise-canceling headphones if I had not made an 11th hour save.

It bears mentioning that while the exit rows provide a significant leg-room increase, they do not accommodate the horizontally enhanced, and the bulkhead, in what United calls Economy Plus, do not either. (Do I seem a little obsessed with the exit row?) Mr. Mini-Fridge was spilling over onto my arm like women and children on the Titanic’s lifeboats and immediately began to jockey for elbow room. Since I could retreat to the wall, and had already secured a pillow, I conceded. He didn’t stop there though. He kept throwing his fat little shoulders around, trying to find that sweet-spot of comfort like a fat cat at naptime. He still had not said a word to me, or even looked my way. It never ceases to amaze me how 2 people can sit closer than do most married couples out on a date and never say one word to each other. No worries though, I wasn’t much in the mood for conversation anyway, with my sinus headache throbbing as it was. Seat backs upright, and tray tables stowed, seatbelts
fastened. Flight attendant mime safety show, wheels up, we’re outta here….

I should mention that the flight attendant’s performance is a make or break proposition, predicated completely on the execution of the mock seatbelt unfastening. If they release the buckle and the other end of the belt falls toward the floor like a bungee jumper, its a thumbs up…and, well..you can figure out the rest. It was thumbs down today since United has gone to this lame video presentation put on, apparently, by some of their flight attendants at last year’s annual meeting.)

As soon as we were able to take out our approved electronic devices, my laptop emerged from my bag. During taxi and take-off, I had been reading a biography about the great Duke Ellington, but thought I’d take this opportunity to get a look at a DVD that I had not been able to find the time watch for weeks. So, I put my headphones on and started the movie. I think Mini-Fridge must’ve frozen like a deer in head lights when he caught a glimpse of my computer screen.

“THE SPOOK WHO SAT BY THE DOOR,” it read, with a raised fist in the background. Clever little fellow that he was, he leaned over to the other arm rest so that he could get a better angle on the screen without me noticing that he was looking. This movie was truly a cinematic gem of the 1970s, although I doubt that many have had the chance to experience it. The narrator in the intro explained how all known copies of the film had mysteriously disappeared from the studio and remained lost until the original film negatives turned up 30 years later on the underground market. Why did it disappear? Could it have anything to do with the subject matter? Hmmmm?

In the opening scene a room full of black men in boxers are running, jumping, climbing, and doing all sorts of other physical agility and dexterity tests while a couple of white men in lab coats, holding clipboards note the results. We come to discover that these men are training for a spot as the first “negro” in the CIA. After enduring the psychological tests, the infighting with the other brothas, and being flamed by a few taunts of “uncle tom,” our man Dan Freeman (ah, the overt symbolism) emerges from the ashes and becomes the first in the CIA’s elitist espionage unit.

Freeman quickly tires of making copies and getting coffee and after five years of training, he tenders his resignation and returns to his home on the Southside of Chicago. Little did they know that Dan had a plan! He would begin to use his training to transform gangbangers and street thugs into Freedom Fighters. All they needed was a trigger, and the Revolution was ON!

Mini-Fridge must’ve been ready to ring his flight attendant call button by now. The brothas were taking back the neighborhood from the corrupt police, bombing the national guard with molotov cocktails, and throwing black fists to the sky. I only wish he could’ve heard the soundtrack. If I had pulled a daishiki out of my carry-on and asked for some black coffee, he might have tried to alert the Air Marshalls that we had an incident on our hands.

Well, I don’t want to belabor the point any further, but one last thing. As soon as the captain turned off the fasten seat belts sign at the gate in Oakland, he was outta there.

Destah Owens is a single father of two from Northern California and proud UCLA Bruin who travels the world for his job as a computer engineer. His blog, “Soufflés in Saigon,” is exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.

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Yet, there is one thing about this selection process that I just can’t get past. The offer of the Secretary of State position to Senator Clinton is rubbing me in a wrong and confused way. I don’t trust Hillary Clinton. She thoroughly wore out her welcome during the primary season, and said and did some things that I still have trouble abiding by. I don’t trust her because she repeatedly lied (“Sniper-gate pissed me off) and she waited until the last possible moment to display any level of grace towards her fellow candidate.

Both Hillary and her husband are not going to EVER go gently into that good night. They won’t concede; they won’t stop until the spotlight is on them for good. Bill Clinton is a well documented egomaniac. Neither of them are masters of diplomacy. They are not even masters of humility. They conduct themselves as if they are the gift that keeps on giving to their party when in fact, they damn near tore the Democratic party to shreds! The bitter battle that was the primary will not soon be forgotten. Even their tried and true constituency, black folks, had reached their limit with the antics. She had a good shot with us coloreds, even though she was running against one of us. She didn’t have to do all that. In a nutshell, those Clintons showed their ass! I believe they will do it again. It’s a compulsion that they just can’t help.

She was practically slow dancing with McCain and telling the world that Obama was nothing more than a cutie pie in a nice suit that could give a heck of a speech. She didn’t believe that he was a viable candidate, even when the voters had spoken. She did all she could to divide, resorting to tactics that I can’t yet forgive. The “3AM” ad was despicable! Of course, when you’re in a fight, you do what you must do. However, when it was clear that the voters had spoken, and the math could no longer possibly lean her way, she kept the attacks going as if she still had a shot in hell. Where’s the class in that?

I applaud Obama and his team for reaching across the aisle, putting aside pettiness and being focused on the task at hand. It is commendable and downright honorable, to say the least. He is most certainly going to adhere to his ardent campaign slogan of being a man of change. I love that he’s sticking to those principles. It’s not Obama that I don’t trust. It’s Hillary.

See, bitterness that simmers and stews in a pot of regret and anger is not easily cooled. It’s clear to me that in the most subtle ways, Mrs. Clinton has displayed that she is not, and quite possibly will never be over her loss. If there is a way she can discreetly throw a wrench in something, she’s gonna do it with no hesitation.

Am I paranoid? Perhaps. I know the Obama team is smart, professional and adept at the roles they have been given. I believe they know what they are doing. Still doesn’t feel right. I have a strong fear that this will come back to bite! Any person who lies about being shot at in a foreign country, and who by any means necessary will use GOP style fear tactics to dissuade an electorate should not be the spokesperson for our country on an international stage. Admittedly, I could be naïve. But I’m sorry, it just doesn’t sit well with me. I want this administration to start anew. Chart their own course. Although Bill Clinton was the last Democrat in office, that doesn’t mean that the past is all that golden. The yellow brick road is ahead of us, not behind us. It is time to move on.

Ellene V. Miles is the managing editor of www.urbanthoughtcollective.com and has worked as an entertainment publicist for many years. Her collection of rants is featured exclusively on UTC for the good of the people.

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There comes a point in your life when you realize

there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future…

Ain’t that the truth…

I had to learn to let people go because it wasn’t meant for them to walk with me for the duration of the journey. It’s hard because you want them there, like they’ve been, to share the ups and downs. But there comes a point in time when we grow. Sometimes we grow together. Sometimes we grow apart. And when we grow a part, it’s unfair to expect them to give us something they just don’t have the capability to give. Uh, I’m still working on that one.
This makes me think of Jay-Z and Dame Dash and the fall of the Rocafella Dynasty. Man that had to hurt New Yorkers something serious. That’s like Dre and Big Boi breaking up. If that ever happened I’d have to take a day off to mourn. Actually, that’s not the same thing. It’d be more like T.I. and Jason Geter, but Geter plays the background so it really wouldn’t affect me. Anyway, it seems Dre and Big Boi have found a way to honor one another’s personal journey and maintain the group. It’s unfortunate Jay and Dame couldn’t continue to do business together. Or is it? You just never know what goes on behind the scenes.

I think the growing a part is easier to deal with than knowing they really weren’t your friend in the first place.

Recently, I became aware of the fact that people will befriend you because they see your greatness before you do so they utilize your gifts, talents and resources for themselves. You think you’re helping them out in the name of friendship, not realizing that you’re not getting anything in return but maybe some laughs. This taught me to not be afraid to evaluate the folks in my life. Its okay to qualify them: Why are they here? What do they bring to the table that helps me become a better person? Am I always giving and they’re always taking? How do their actions express a sincere interest in my well being? Do they expect me to make sacrifices that harm me to benefit them?

Another thing I learned: don’t act like I don’t see what I see or don’t know what I know. Ooh wee, let me repeat that one: DON’T ACT LIKE I DON’T SEE WHAT I SEE AND DON’T KNOW WHAT I KNOW.

We know when someone’s taking advantage of us or manipulating us. We know! It doesn’t serve us to act like we don’t know what’s going on. And we can’t choose a fake friendship over ourselves- no matter how much it hurts.

My friend Tiffany is good at compartmentalizing folks in her life and I’m learning that from her. One person might start off in the inner circle, but for whatever reason, isn’t that close anymore and, therefore, is on the outer circle. Then, there might be somebody who’s been on the outer circle for years, and because our paths are similar, they move into the inner circle. Tiffany also honors each person’s role. She doesn’t go to the business friend for spiritual counseling or vice versa.

I gotta say I love my friends. Evaluating the people in your life makes you appreciate the real folks. Understanding how they honor me inspires me to be a better friend. It also serves as a reference point when someone is trying to wiggle their way in.

I guess that age-old adage is right: It’s not about the quantity. It’s the quality.

Here are some throwback videos about friendships:

TLC’S “What About Your Friends”

Johnny Gill’s “Fairweather Friend”

Peace.

UTC readers: In all that we seek to be or do or have, we humbly realize that in the Presence is our power to think, our very thought of aspiration, our will to commence, our strength to keep on, our power to achieve, and the glory of all our accomplishments. This is the Truth and it is now done. ~ A prayer from “Discover the Power Within You”

Envisioning you with much love, light and fulfillment. See you next week.

Yaminah Ahmad is editor-in-chief of The Atlanta Voice and contributing editor to Collective Voices, a newspaper published by the non-profit, SisterSong: Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective. More information on the group can be found at www.sistersong.net. Ahmad can be reached at missyaminah@gmail.com.

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But you and I understand that Barack Obama is not an exception. He is the rule. Most black men are law-abiding, smart (even if they are under-educated), disciplined, family-oriented, hard-working and generally upstanding. This is true of the blue collar brothers as well as the brothers with advanced degrees and professional training. The majority of black men have always been about the positive and we’ve been that way despite the vile treatment to which we’ve been subjected down through our nation’s history. This is obvious to anyone who looks at the past and present with an objective and logical eye.

But racism is neither objective nor logical. It’s built on fear and fallacies about white superiority. Facts have little meaning to a racist. Therefore, it is up to them, not us, to undo the stereotypes and change the beliefs and attitudes behind them.

So, I’m not going to spend energy worrying about whether narrow-minded whites will drop their unfair, biased perceptions of us. (I stopped worrying about that a long time ago, when I realized that as a black man who I have no control over other people’s prejudices.)

I am much more interested in how President Obama might influence the way black men perceive themselves. He will be a continuous reminder that being educated, articulate, professional, loving, socially-conscious and well-mannered are excellent qualities for us to emulate. Indeed, these are qualities that black men have traditionally embraced. So, maybe having Obama up there will help empower more young black men to eschew street culture and take pride in being excellent students, committed family men, mature-minded leaders and beneficial members of their communities.

BUSH’S WAR ENDS WITH A WHISPER
The war in Iraq is over. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t know that. They haven’t exactly made a big deal about it. There’s been no formal announcement by President Bush. No new “Mission Accomplished” banners. But make no mistake. The war, for all practical purposes, is ending.

When nobody was looking, the Bush Administration turned around and did exactly what it said it would never do: it agreed to a time table for removing U.S. troops from Iraq. American and Iraqi leaders quietly reached a deal to pull U.S. fighters from Iraqi cities and towns by next summer and to have all our troops out of Iraq within two years. The deal’s been in the works for months. In fact, the State Department announced its intentions back during the summer, even as Republican presidential candidate John McCain was running around dissing Barack Obama’s plan to bring the troops home within 16 months. McCain sounded kind of silly promising about “victory” in Iraq when President Bush’s staff was already working on a schedule for bringing the troops home.

This indicates to me that Democrats on Capitol Hill and the rest of us liberals were right all along. Setting deadlines for transferring security responsibilities to the Iraqis and redeploying our troops was always the best strategy for ending this unnecessary, fruitless war which has lasted way too long and cost way too much. It’s just a shame that Bush and the Republicans were too stubborn to realize this sooner.

Thanks for listening. I’m Cameron Turner and that’s my two cents.

THINK! IT AIN’T ILLEGAL…YET!

Cameron Turner is a Los Angeles-area native whose editorials, entertainment news features and audio documentaries have appeared on national radio networks, online and in print for over 20 years.

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Good friends confide in one another—at least women do (and I suspect men do also)–sharing their joys and pains, seeking opinions and counsel from their buddies. However, some of this counsel may further damage your relationship rather than help it. You’ll hear stuff like, “Girl, I wouldn’t take that from him, you should dump him!” or “Guy, why do you put up with that when there’s so many fine women out here?”

Before you know it, if you’re at a point of uncertainty in your marriage, you act on the opinions of friends (many of them single or divorced), and find yourself without a marriage. That’s why there should be an unwritten code between a couple that they’re just certain things that shouldn’t be discussed with anyone else—especially when it comes to your spouse’s vulnerabilities, vices, shortcomings and mistakes. It’s so easy to complain about your spouse, but be advised–what you share just might come back to bite you when you least expect or want it to—and most often, it does. Friends have incredible memories.

Married couples should be able to share their issues and weaknesses with each other and not worry about any of their friends knowing too much about their personal lives. It tends to violate trust, leading to mistrust and communication issues. We’ve got to learn to keep the personal details of our married life, private when it comes to sharing things with our friends—and sometimes even family. Remember, familiarity breeds contempt—many times contempt for your spouse by your friends, or contempt for you for putting up with whatever the situation is. Take it from a former blabbermouth.

There are a few things I’ve learned when it comes to putting friends before spouses and letting them become too involved in your marriage. Here are some lessons learned:

1. Limit the money and time shared with friends when married, no matter how much you want to help or hang out with them. The majority of your money and most of your time should go towards your family/marriage. If parting with either time or money is necessary to assist friends, be wise about how much you share of both. Family first!

2. True friends should know when to speak up or shut up about an issue out of real love and concern for their friend who’s married or single, and who may be going through something in their marriage–but many times they don’t. More often, instead of just listening or offering prayer to their troubled friends, what they offer are insensitive or derisive comments about the relationship. This is true no matter what side of the pond you’re standing on (I’m guilty of it too), and can lead to more uncertainly about the marriage and potential strain in the friendship.

3. Your spouse should be your closest friend. You should be able to talk to them about whatever’s on your mind and heart, first. But if you get to the point where you can’t—get counseling. I know, men tend not to want to go to counseling–a selfish, childish and paranoid mindset (sorry guys, but it’s true), however, that’s for another time.

When I look back (which we shouldn’t do), I sometimes get angry at myself for being so free with giving away money, although I know those were good seeds sown. I’m very loyal to my friends, but tend to get caught up in the drama in their lives, trying to be there for them in their time of need. As a result, I’ve spent more time and money to assist them than I did at home, which wasn’t wise.

The main reason that you should be cautious about sharing certain information with friends about your marriage, is that on those many occasions when you want to kill each other, friends may just hand over the knife. No matter what the situation, if you tell your friends they tend to blow things out of proportion, making matters worse and instead of putting out the flames, they add fuel to the fire. Before you know it, you’re angrier coming out, than you were going in.

This could cost you both your marriage and your friendship. So if you’re in dire straits or in a dangerous situation and just need to get the hell out, please go ahead and tell your friends (the closest one). Other than that, you’d do better talking to someone objective, who can help you see your situation and options more clearly, like a spiritual or marriage counselor—not your friends—objective they are not.

Our friends are very important and bring much joy, fun and great memories to our lives. But if there are issues that can turn the page between a marriage that lasts or one that falls apart, beware that friends may unwittingly play a major part in making those decisions, and they shouldn’t.

So, when we think we want to share certain details about what’s going on in our marriage with friends, to preserve both precious relationships, we should probably think again and just zip it.

Norma Stanley is President/CEO of NFS Communications and Publishing, a multicultural marketing firm specializing in the African American and Disability communities. She is also the mother of a special needs child, and author of “The Elected Lady—Finding Victory in the Challenge,” an inspirational book for and about mothers of special needs children. Married to her high school sweetheart, they have weathered nearly 25 years of marriage, which has seen mostly bright and sunny days, with more than a few stormy rain clouds thrown in for good measure. Stanley’s thoughts on love and marriage are exclusive to www.urbanthoughtcollective.com.

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