DUH!

And before all you men groan, let me add… a great big vice versa.

The study cites, and I’m paraphrasing here, that if a man and woman are making out and she says, “It’s getting late,” what she means is, “Help me find my bra, it’s time to go home.”

According to the study though, men hear something entirely different.

To them, “It’s getting late,” comes across as, “Let’s skip the foreplay and get right to the good stuff.” The fact that some men continue to underestimate the value of foreplay will be addressed at a later date. But for now, please know that foreplay is mandatory, just like condoms (see last week’s blog).

The Davis study implies that men interpret what women say by trying to imagine what they would mean. In other words, the only reason a man can imagine himself saying “It’s getting late” while making out is to let the woman know it’s time to speed things up. I confess this interpretation never occurred to me, but upon reading it, I can see where men may have a point.

So, I got to thinking, what other situations do women say “A” and men hear “B?” And vice versa? Here’s my thoughts:

When she says, “Let’s just be friends” she really means, “Let’s stay in touch in case I need to borrow your truck to pick up a couch I bought on Craig’s List.”

When he says it, he really means, “Let’s stay in touch because I still want us to have sex, but I don’t want to spend holidays with your family or buy you birthday presents.”

When she says, “We’re free to date other people,” what she really means is, “I’m dating this other guy I like more, but he’s afraid to commit which probably means he’s seeing someone he likes more and if that’s true, I’m going to stop seeing him and only see you.”

When he says it, he means, “I’m keeping my options open in case Halle Barry is looking for a new baby daddy.” FYI ladies, some men keep their options open right up until the last stripper leaves the bachelor party.

When she says, “Let’s just cuddle,” she means it.

When he says it, he really means, “I got some earlier and I’m straight.”

When she says, “Not tonight, I have a headache,” she really means, “I got some earlier and I’m straight.”

She might also mean, “The last time we did it, it wasn’t so great and I’d rather not have sex than have bad sex, and I was afraid to mention it because my birthday’s coming up and I’m expecting you to buy me a present.”

When he says, “Not tonight, I have a headache,” he means it.

Now fellas, pay close attention because the next two are tricky.

If in the middle of making out she says, “I just got my hair done,” what she means is, “If you’re willing to pay for me to get my do re-did, we can do it. If not, get off me.”

If in the middle of making out, she says, “I don’t want to sweat my hair out” what she’s saying is, “if you’re cool with me just laying here, handle yours. If not, get off me.”

If he says either of the above, it doesn’t matter what he really means, just run, girl run!

Finally, when she says, “I do,” what she means is, “Thank God, now I don’t have to go to parties alone.”

When he says it, he really means, “Thank God, now someone else can do my laundry.”

Let’s face it, the sexes have never spoken the same language. If we did, we’d still be running around buck naked and carefree in the Garden of Eden. The devil was a man, right? And when he told Eve; “Nothing bad will happen if you bite that apple,” what he meant was, “Nothing bad will happen to ME if you bite that apple, but life is gonna suck for you.” Thus making Eve the first woman to stupidly take a man at his word, but certainly not the last.

And before all you men groan, let me add… a great big vice versa.

Feel free to holler back any He said/She said I may have missed.

Tamara T. Gregory is a writer/producer/traveler. Happily single (yes, there really is such a thing), she is an expert on the dating game. Her debut novel, Passport Diaries, is an LA Times bestseller and is soon to become a Hollywood motion picture. The book is available at www.passportdiaries.com. Gregory’s X…WHY blog is exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.

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Aaron McCargo, Jr. won season four of The Next Food Network Star, beating out thousands of culinary hopefuls for the ultimate dream job – his own Food Network show! Dubbed “Big Daddy” on the reality show, Aaron brings an easygoing presence to the kitchen with his warm smile and passion for down-to-earth cooking. His new show, Big Daddy’s House, features simple, fun, and mouth-watering recipes that illustrate Aaron’s love for big, bold flavors.

We spoke with Big Daddy about his passion for food and family.

Being away from home for so long was the most difficult part of the Food Network competition. I am a die hard family guy so not being there every night with my kids was tough! But, I made it through and I’m so honored to be a Food Network chef! Getting down to the business of cooking, I’m all about flavor. Flavor is the true spice of life. It just warms the soul to have something made with love and made with such attention to waking up your taste buds! Many people seem to be hesitant about seasoning their food. But you have got to enhance it in your own way. My absolute favorite seasoning is paprika. I put it in flour, on my ribs, in my eggs, in rubs, breads, everything. It just gives off an amazing smokiness that I am crazy for. It also gives foods a nice, appetizing color that makes you want to dig right in.

Soul food has a lot of definitions to a lot of people. It’s not just a black thing at all. Mine is that it comes from the heart and shows that you love what you do. You have to cook what you feel, or it will show. Take the time to put love into it. If you don’t love it, don’t cook it. Cooking and making memorable meals for those you care about is a gift from God, so use it! I firmly believe that food brings peace. It brings people together and heals relationships between people, between countries. It is that powerful. There is so much hatred in the world; people don’t know how positive an influence we can be towards one another with just a little kindness.

When it comes to cooking healthy, I’ve never felt pressure to make my foods anyway but the way that tastes best for me. Healthy, economically sound choices can fit any budget. I’m here to show the average person how to get down and make them mouths water! Everything in moderation and you’ll be fine.

My advice for folks that want to get more into cooking and working their way around the kitchen is to make sure it doesn’t feel like a job. Don’t let it intimidate you. If you don’t want to bake, don’t. Just start with the basics and go from there. You’ll find your comfort level.

I let my kids get involved with every part of the meal that I can. They help me with casserole, breaking up stuffing, mashing potatoes, anything with their hands so they really feel a part of it and they are having a great time. Another good benefit of keeping your kids involved is that it makes them much more open to all kids of foods. They are ahead of the game when they are not limiting themselves to chicken nuggets and soda pop. Because if they know how something is made, it will open them up and they won’t be so squemish to try it. That goes for food and all kinds of other things as well. Expose them and it goes a long way.

I would have to say that my life’s biggest inspirations are my family, my church and my Dad most of all. When I was seven years old he said I would be a chef, and he was right! I have been blessed by the best, my Dad spoke that positive word and that stuck with me. He knew about my gift before I did. I mean, I get butterflies when I’m cooking on the show sometimes, but when I’m around food I’m happy and I just relax and let it flow. I would not be here if it wasn’t for God. The prayer and support I’ve received has been amazing and I didn’t plan on this path of my life, but I am grateful I’m here. Thanks for your support, and Happy Holidays to everyone!

CLICK HERE TO WATCH BIG DADDY HOOK UP SOME AMAZING POTATOES AU GRATIN!

A family man who adores all things flavorful, Aaron McCargo’s passion for cooking was sparked at the age of four when he started baking cakes in his sister’s Easy Bake Oven. He has since worked as a chef in nine New Jersey restaurants including his own (McCargo’s Restaurant), which he opened in 2003. Most recently, Aaron served as the executive chef at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital in Philadelphia. He also attended Atlantic Cape Community College’s Academy of Culinary Arts. The new season of his Food Network Series, “Big Daddy’s House” begins on January 4th and every Sunday at 1:30 PM, 12:30 Central.

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A recent article I read had New Years Resolutions broken down into three areas: Professional, Personal and Industry. I’m going to add a 4th area: charitable. So as change is on our minds right now, here are some suggestions for ways to add charity to the list of things that will be different and better in 2009.

RESOLVE TO GIVE MORE TO CHARITY THIS YEAR
Each of us gave a certain amount of money to charity last year, but in 2009 let’s resolve to increase our giving by at least 10%. Each of us has issues that are important to us: mine are the black male school to prison pipeline, education disparity, hunger and healthcare in Africa. Before you start giving money you should decide what issues you want to support: education, domestic violence, economic empowerment, the arts? Once you decide on those issues and set your giving priorities you should direct most of your money to organizations working on those issues. Decide in this first month of the year to give a little bit more than you gave in 2008.

GIVE MONEY TO AN ORGANIZATION OTHER THAN YOUR CHURCH OR RELIGIOUS INSTIUTION
90% of charitable giving by African-Americans is to churches or religious institutions. While it is important to support churches and the work that they do, the money that we give does not always go to the community—in many cases it goes to make the church better. Some churches give a portion of the money they receive to community organizations but churches don’t always do enough to help support nonprofit and community organizations. So giving to your church is not enough. In addition to your church giving, give money to a nonprofit organization.

DEVELOP A GIVING BUDGET
We all get hit up with requests for charitable donations throughout the year: someone is running in a race to benefit a charity and wants you to be a sponsor; someone wants you to buy a ticket for a fundraising event; the list goes on and on. One way to figure out how much you can give to charities each year is by setting a charity budget. Rather than giving money in a half hazard way, if you decide now that you will donate $1000 during 2009 to charitable causes, each time you receive a request for a charitable donation you will know how much money you can give.

GIVE TIME
In a speech he gave in July 2008, President-Elect Obama discussed the importance of service. “We need your service, right now, in this moment – our moment – in history. I’m not going to tell you what your role should be; that’s for you to discover. But I am going to ask you to play your part; ask you to stand up; ask you to put your foot firmly into the current of history.” Beginning in January, National Mentor Month, President-Elect will appear in a print ad with this quote urging people to be the change by becoming a mentor.

President-Elect Obama is planning to make service one of the defining themes of his Presidency. So why not get a head start? Many of us are trying to do all things Obama these days (if only I could exercise six days a week like he does); we should also embrace his commitment to community service. This is a great time to get involved with a mentoring or volunteer program. I have mentored high school, college and law school students. I hope the mentoring experience was rewarding for the mentor but was even more rewarding for me.

GIVE STUFF
The beginning of a new year is a great time for renewal. Just as we got rid of 2008, a drama filed year; the new year is a great time to renew. Go through your closets and get rid of old stuff –that coat you haven’t worn, those jeans that are too tight (or it that just me?), that sweater you never wear. Gather all of that stuff up and take it to Salvation Army or Goodwill. You don’t need it but someone else does.

I’ll have more suggestions next week. I would love to hear your charity resolutions. The beginning of a year is a time for rededication and reflection. Decide the things that you want to accomplish (in all areas of your life not just with charities) and come up with a plan. After November 4, 2008, it’s hard to say “it can’t be done, it won’t happen.” How many of us last January thought we would be talking about President Obama? What has happened in the past year demonstrates that anything is possible!

What are your charity resolutions?

Angelia Dickens is an attorney and author with lots of thoughts and opinions, and now a place to share them (other than with her friends and family). Her blog is a compilation of her musings and commentary on charitable giving, volunteerism and philanthropy from an African-American perspective. Her writings have appeared in the Nonprofit Times and the Root.com. She can be reached at speakyourvoice@gmail.com. Read, comment and circulate.

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In lieu of posting old school Christmas videos, I figured I’d get into the wintry spirit by taking you back to the last year it snowed in south GA. 1989. That year it SNOWED. People were going crazy. It was like how Y2K was supposed to be. Absolute madness! I freaking loved it.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, how’s about a little end of the year house cleaning. Last week, Thelma and Diane complained about my forthrightness, or lack thereof, with sharing info on my personal life. Well, check out my dorm room from senior year. How’s that for sharing? Lol

I decided not to post some of my favorite pop culture videos as well this week. But nothing’s stopping me from linking to them:

EMMETT OTTER (“Barbecue!”)

RAGING RUDOLPH (Have A Merry Freakin’ Christmas!””

THE CHANUKKA SONG (”OJ Simpson. Not a Jew.”)

THE CHRISTMAS STORY(”Where’s Flick?”)

For the next two weeks, I’ll be on vacation. I may be out of town or I may just be in my bed sleeping. The point is, I may not have the time to devote to writing a proper column. So I’ll be posting random vids with a minimal write up.

Finally, I’d like to thank all you cats for reading this column since its inception. You guys have no idea how I often I check the site, on Mondays and Tuesdays, to read the comments. I love the back and forth with ya’ll. So, I hope you guys have a safe and wonderful holidays and I’ll see you on the other side. Holla.

THE D.O.C. | “THE FORMULA”
“High energy roll with the wisdom, sense of a rich man, knowledge and the rhythm. This is what I’m using to come up with a style so I’ll interact altogether better with the crowd.” Seriously, there’s not much to add to that. Dude was unreal.

BIZ MARKIE | “JUST A FRIEND”
“I thought just having a friend couldn’t be no crime.” First, you have to get past the loud, high, off-key singing. OK that’s gonna be very difficult, but give it a try. Yeah, it’s a lot harder than it seems but you can do it. Got it? Cool. Now listen to the words. What guy can’t relate to the heartbreak that Biz is going through? Just a friend? You can miss me with that nonsense. Ladies, why you treat us like so? We try to be good to ya’ll. Honest.

SLICK RICK | “CHILDREN’S STORY”
“Crumbs.” A master storyteller at the very apex of his game, MC Ricky D went solo and crushed everything in his path. Only Rick could turn a gangsta rap into a bedtime story and still make it dope. But, the whole album is pretty much classic. I will bump the hell out of “Mona Lisa” right now, and dare anyone to say something about it. If you’re feeling frisky, how about a triple dog dare?

QUINCY JONES | “THE SECRET GARDEN”
Ahh yeah. We’re gonna slow the tempo down a little bit. I’m writing this in my deepest, sexiest voice. Too bad you can’t hear it. Anyway, with Al B. Sure, James Ingram, El Debarge, and Barry White on a Quincy Jones track, this song couldn’t fail. Come on, this is like stealing. Speaking of, I might have to steal this bass line. I’m not above the occasional musical thievery.

DIGITAL UNDERGROUND | “THE HUMPTY DANCE”
“Samoans. Do the Humpty Hump.” I love how Humpty was so inclusive. He was up on the multicultural tip 18 years ago. Anyways, the dance was pretty stupid. But, it was infectious. You will be doing a tamed version of it in 20 seconds, guaranteed. Besides, it’s just one of those great party songs. Remember those?

Diallo Tyson is a filmmaker, comedian and old school music junkie. When he’s not busy, he is a rapper with the group “Two Pimps and a Dream.” Step into a groovin’ time machine every week on UTC.

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Most Christmas celebrants have no idea that when Jesus was born the people of his d were under a huge degree of oppression. Few Christmas shoppers know that the people of that era were dealing with issues similar to our own – religious oppression, racism, gender bias and sexism, unequal distribution of wealth, health concerns and a corrupt & wicked government led King Herod. Few Christmas plays or movies tell the truth that Mary and Joseph were on the same economic level as middle-class Americans – which is why, when they went to the temple for purification on the 8th day to circumcise Jesus, they brought a pair of doves and two young pigeons as was the custom for folks who couldn’t afford a healthy male lamb. And no one ever discusses that fact that when the Shepherds received word from an Angel about the baby born in the town of David, those Shepherds who were out in the field tending to their sheep, were among the lower class of society.

Few of us realize that woven into the story of baby Jesus are the harsh realities of social injustices, poverty, and economic unrest, which is why the angels proclaimed they had “GOOD NEWS OF GREAT JOY THAT WILL BE FOR ALL THE PEOPLE. Jesus being born was not just about everyone becoming a “Christian” as we understand it today; as a matter of fact, Jesus was Jewish. The word Christian/Christianity came along much later with the development of the church and it helps us to understand our faith. However, the good news in the story of the Christ child being born ‘aka’ Christmas is about liberation not denomination. The Christ child would become the opportunity, the doorway, to help free people by inviting them into a new reality of what can be.

I am a Christian, and I don’t waiver in that. But I believe the greater cause for humanity is to seek liberation for all people.

When I think of Zimbabwe, I believe we must do all that we can to help liberate oppressed people, and continue to demand Mugabe to step down. When I think about Sudan and Darfur, and women in parts of the world who are being ill-treated like 3rd class citizens, I believe it is our human responsibility to speak up for the liberation of innocent people. When we understand the crisis of the HIV/AIDS pandemic, we must push for education and access to resources that lead to healthy bodies and communities. When I think about poverty in America (and yes there is poverty in America), I am appalled that our government gave billion of dollars away in the name of “bail-out” without holding Corporate Executives accountable, additionally leaving out of the equation the plight of struggling families, which will only lead to greater economic oppression for some.

Christmas is a reminder that we have help on our side, that liberation and justice are at the heart of the Christmas story; and that the plight of people was on the mind of our Creator when the Christ child was born. That’s good news!

And today, at our holiday season 2008, like those Shepherds, we could use a reminder of some good news of great joy. So how about this:

The best is yet to come, because Bush is out and Barack is in, in less than 30 days. That’s good news!

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, and Joyeux de Noel!!

Najuma Smith is a preacher, world traveler, writer, and proud parent. She currently serves as the full-time Sr. Pastor of St. James AME Church in Los Angeles. Unapologetically saved and full of purpose, she enjoys sharing words of encouragement with anyone who will listen, bringing a fresh look at life in light of the Word of God. Her collection of motivations and observations are exclusive to Urban Thought Collective. Visit her at www.myspace.com/revjuju.

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I was starting to agonize over my situation when I remembered the soothing words of one of our oldest Christmas carols:

God rest ye merry, gentlemen. Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ our savior was born on Christmas Day
To save us all from Satan’s power, when we were gone astray
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy
Oh tidings of comfort and joy!

This song moves me because it speaks directly to us men. The writer must have known about the anxiety that we feel as we struggle to remain strong, to be providers for our families and examples to the young people in our charge.

This carol empowers us to be brave and confident in the face of adversity. “Let nothing you dismay” because no matter what the world throws at us, we can handle it, we can get through and triumph in difficult days because God is always close by and He will give us comfort and joy even in the worst of times! If you don’t connect with that religious theme, take heart nonetheless! For hope and love form the essence of Christmas.

Remember the lesson learned by the Grinch. He stole everything out of Who-ville. All the presents, all the decorations, even the food. Dr. Seuss tells us that after ransacking that first home, the Grinch went to “all the other Who’s houses, leaving crumbs too small for the other Who’s mouses!” And yet, when the sun came up on Christmas Day, all the Whos down in Who-ville went outside, joined hands and sang anyway!

My favorite line in the song says: “Christmas Day is in our grasp so long as we have hands to clasp.” Holding hands, reaching out and drawing close to one another, sharing love and friendship, offering encouragement, comforting and consoling one another… this is what makes Christmas meaningful. It is what will sustain us and make us smile long after the memories of gifts have faded.

That’s what Stevie Wonder’s singing about in “I Wish,” his musical tribute to childhood. You know the verse I’m talking about, where Stevie says:

Lookin’ back on when I was a little nappy-headed boy
When my only worry was for Christmas what would be my toy
Even though we sometimes would not get a thing
We were happy with the joy the day would bring

The writer Earl Hamner, Jr. captured that spirit in “The Homecoming,” the classic TV movie that inspired the long-running TV series “The Waltons.” Set during the Great Depression, “The Homecoming” recounts an anxious Christmas Eve as a poor farm family awaits the return of the father who has taken work 50 miles away. Tension turns to fear when the mother receives news that a bus has skidded off of an icy road, injuring several men and killing one. When the father finally makes it home after midnight, his wife and children are happy about the simple gifts he has brought, but their greatest joy is at having him home safe and sound.

The epilogue that follows is both simple and profound: “Christmas is a season when we give tokens of love. In that house we gave not tokens but love itself.”

Merry Christmas and thanks for listening. I’m Cameron Turner and that’s my two cents.

THINK! IT AIN’T ILLEGAL…YET!

Cameron Turner is a Los Angeles-area native whose editorials, entertainment news features and audio documentaries have appeared on national radio networks, online and in print for over 20 years.

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‘Tis the season for New Years’ Resolutions. So in that vein, please allow me to highlight the main points of what I have found to be the key to success, not only in life, but in specifically in achieving and maintaining fitness related goals and aspirations.

It is what I call The FIT4 Principle™, a way of getting your mind right. A way of getting mentally and emotionally prepared for the biggest battle in most American’s (especially African American’s) lives; Getting in Shape!

I began previously by breaking down each of the elements one by one, but given the timing, I think it’s apropos to share the bullet points of The FIT4 Principle and continue to expound on those points as the year progresses.

I hope this helps and may 2009 be: “The Year of No More Failed Resolutions!”

The FIT4 Principle

The Key to Finally Reaching Your Fitness Goals, Once and For All

F – “FIND YOU” – Find who you are, what you are and where you are

I – “ILLUSTRATE YOUR GOAL” – Create a colorful vision of where you want to be

T – “TAKE ACTION” – Do what it takes to get there, follow your program

4 – “4PLAY” – Find new, innovative and exciting ways to make exercise fun

4 – “4GIVE” – Don’t beat yourself up when you slip up

4 – “4GET” – The past, put disappointments, previous failures, behind you

4 – “4GE ON!” – Keep your eye on the prize no matter what, even when you mess up, keep going.

F – “FIND YOU” – Find who you are, what you are and where you are

FIND who YOU are, what YOU are and where YOU are. It’s okay to want something more or different for ourselves, but in order to accomplish that, we must take a realistic look at our current state. We spend so much time trying to fit ourselves into notions of who we “should” be but don’t spend enough time figuring out who we actually are. We must know our starting point before we can get to our final destination.

I – “ILLUSTRATE YOUR GOAL” – Create a colorful vision of where you want to be.

Have a goal; you can’t achieve what you don’t set out to do. Illustrate the perfect picture of what you want for yourself. Make it big and colorful and happy so that you feel good every time you look at it. This will help keep you attached to the positive side when the going gets tough…and it will.

T – “TAKE ACTION” – Do what it takes to get there, follow your program.

This is where Nike’s far overused slogan (second in over utilization only to the American Dairy Board’s “Got Milk” campaign and subsequent spin-offs) “Just Do It” comes in handy. The more you can practice that thought and make it into a way of life, the faster and more easily you will attain your goals. If you wake up tired, “Just Do It.” If you don’t feel like working out, “Just Do It.” If you have cramps, “Just Do It.” If you feel a little under the weather, “Just Do It.” Basically unless you’re on your deathbed or have a major injury, there is no excuse for not “Doing It.” What ever “It” might be, whether it’s running on the treadmill, drinking your meal replacement shake, doing that extra set of lunges, avoiding the temptation of cheesecake ever so gently calling your name…”Just Do It.”

4 – “4PLAY” – Find new, innovative and exciting ways to make exercise fun.

Exercising should not be all drudgery. There are plenty of ways to make it fun; exchange jokes with your workout partner, make funny faces while you exercise, have your trainer create new exercise games, reward yourself after working out. You get the idea.

4 – “4GIVE” – Don’t beat yourself up when you slip up

We are all human; temptation gets the best of us from time to time. The key is to not spend any extra time beating yourself up over falling off the wagon. Be kind to yourself. Dwelling on a slip up only gives way for the pity party to begin. Once the pity party starts, it can give way to a vicious cycle of depression and inaction, or worse, destructive action, such as drinking, binging or “couch potatoing.” (Yes, potatoing)

4 – “4GET” – The past, put disappointments, previous failures, behind you.

If you tried to lose weight before and it didn’t work, it doesn’t mean it will never work. The past does not equal the future. Don’t dwell on the past, take note of what worked and what didn’t and keep it moving. Forgiving and forgetting are probably two of the most valuable skills in achieving and maintaining a higher level of fitness.

4 – “4GE ON!” – Keep your eye on the prize no matter what, even when you mess up, Forge On!

Say you gave in to temptation and ate a whole pint of Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream in one sitting. What’s the typical response? “Oh, I screwed up my diet, so I might as well not exercise either.” Don’t give up!! 4ge on! Work through mistakes, mishaps, missed days and just get right back on track. I liken the attainment of a fitness goal to climbing a mountain made out of sand. The only way to get to the top is to keep moving. If you stop, you sink and it’s harder to pull our feet out of the sand, regain your footing and start climbing again. You might go sideways and even back a few steps, but for goodness sake, keep climbing. Don’t stop!! The longer you stop, the further you sink and the harder it is to unstick your feet. If you stay focused on your goal and keep moving towards it, one day you’ll look up and you’ll be there.

One last note and possibly the most important:

SLOW IS THE WAY TO GO!

Gradual weight loss is the only way to achieve sustainable results. If you lose too much weight too quickly, you shift your body so far out of equilibrium that it does everything possible to regain that equilibrium. That’s why you hear of (or possibly know personally) people who go on these extreme diets, cleanses, bootcamps, etc. and they lose all this weight, only to gain it right back. Check out the current stats of the people from the famous TV shows (Biggest Loser, Celebrity Fit Club, etc.). A study in TIME magazine showed that 95% of the contestants went back to their original weight. Some even gained a few pounds extra!

It is because they underwent such extreme conditions in such a short period of time, it is impossible for the body to maintain. Medically speaking, it is safe to lose 1-2 pounds a week. This allows your body’s equilibrium to shift gradually. Your body’s systems must adjust and adapt to the physiological changes going on. This takes time. The bigger your goal, allow yourself more than enough time to get there. Unrealistic goals yield unrealistic results.

Anything is possible, yes, I said it and I’ll say it again, Anything is possible. You just have to have the dedication, commitment and patience required to attain your “anything.” The truth is most people give up before they get theirs.

Don’t let that be you. Let’s make a commitment to make 2009 the year of “No More Failed Resolutions.” We can do it, “YES WE CAN!”

Think about how wonderful it will be to finally scratch that resolution off the list, once and for all, and sit back and say, “YES… I DID!”

Look out for me on Oprah in January! All the best in 2009! Be well.

Lanre Idewu, B.S., C.P.T. is a Celebrity Fitness Trainer and founder of Fit4LA.com,whose mission is to make fitness accessible to everyone. His carefully customized tips for living fit are exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.

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Now, don’t roll your eyes or guffaw too loudly when you find out what it is. And neither should you take out your violin and belt out a sad little tune in my honor. (Sigh…here it goes) All I’ve been dreaming of this holiday season is a New Year’s kiss. A succulent, memorable, spine-tingling New Year’s kiss delivered expressly to me when that ball drops at midnight.

Since Jonathan and I broke up last month, all I’ve been able to dwell on is how lonely and miserable my holidays would be. Once the advent countdown began, I didn’t pin too much hope on snagging a brand new boyfriend in time to be invited to his parents’ home for Christmas dinner, where we’d exchange overpriced gifts while sipping eggnog under a sprig of mistletoe. Needless to say, Christmas came and went without Santa dropping any slobber-swapping prospects off in front of my fake tree, despite the double chocolate chip cookies and strawberry milk I left for him. Rather than spending the day with my mom and dad, where I’d be interrogated for hours about what I did to chase poor Jonathan away, I spent Christmas watching old seasons of “Family Guy” and “Boston Legal” on DVD with only the company of an extra-large pepperoni pizza and a bag of Double-Doubles I purchased the night before.

So now, with the 2008 clock near its final tick, I’ve tossed out just about all of my earlier criteria for my New Year’s date. No, he doesn’t need to reimburse me for the $100 New Year’s Eve party ticket I purchased just days before Jonathan and I broke up, which includes a prime rib and lobster dinner and all the champagne he can suck down. No, he doesn’t have to fall into my preferred height range of five-eight to six-two (which, when I’m wearing heels, makes for the perfect smooching angle if we’re standing without risking any sort of neck injury). No, he doesn’t have to be extremely easy on the eyes (although if he’s too atrocious, he’ll have to drive because I will be the one downing the champagne). And no, the brotha doesn’t necessarily need to be a brotha – if in 2008 America could elect its first Black president, than I can be open to my first non-Black kiss.

The one thing I have to be a stickler on is my requirement for a full set of white teeth. Grills are for cooking my ribs in the summer, not devices to be concealed behind closed lips only to be revealed when the wearer offers a wassup in my direction.

So if you got a brother, a son, a cousin, a mailman, a barber, a parole officer, an accountant, a dentist, a baby daddy, or a stalker, please send me his number. Now.

Diane is (quite) a character on the online soap opera Buena Beach (www.buenabeach.com). Her weekly insights on what’s happening at the Beach are featured exclusively on Urban Thought Collective.

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Teaming up with director Clint Eastwood for a third and very charming time, Morgan Freeman is luminous on screen as President Nelson Mandela, the man who for so many represents freedom, faith and forward progress in South Africa and beyond. Freeman’s performance is measured and warm, a welcome look at the humor and wit of a figure so many associate with the fall of a despicable period in history. Mandela’s life remains a symbol of inspiration and hope that cannot be overstated. This doesn’t mean that Eastwood gives us more than a glimpse into the personal story of Mandela. Though his political savvy and sensitive, generous nature are consistently on display, details of his private family woes and other such matters are only briefly hinted at. That approach serves the story quite well.

“Invictus” is about the unifying power of sports, in this case, the rough and gritty sport of rugby. If you thought American football was tough, you have not seen a rugby match. It is truly brutal. Matt Damon again proves his ability to almost seamlessly transform himself into character (complete with a spot on Afrikaans accent) as Rugby captain Francois Pinenaar, the man whom President Mandela rested his hopes of bringing his divided nation together via the 1995 World Cup. Damon takes his licks on the field and takes us on his journey of enlightenment in a touching and well balanced performance.

Thankfully, Eastwood spares us the standard method of showing the audience that white South Africans routinely killed, beat and otherwise mistreated their black brethren in the legally separate and woefully unequal way of life that was Apartheid. We need not endure scenes filled with violence or bloody conflicts in order to understand the racially charged realities that Mandela inherited as its first President of color. Think Obama without the 27 years of false imprisonment and unspeakable routine abuse.

What we are treated to is the immediate transformative affect that Mandela’s policies and statesmanship had on those around him. As one of his white security officers notes, “With him, no one is invisible.” Expect no come to Jesus confessional moments by the oppressor. “Invictus” simply unfolds before us, telling the story simply and without pretense.

Invictus opens in theaters nationwide on December 11, 2009. Catch a matinee as it runs a tad bit long.

Ellene V. Miles is the managing editor of www.urbanthoughtcollective.com and has worked as an entertainment publicist for many years. Her collection of rants is featured exclusively on UTC for the good of the people.

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The recent decision to move the criminal trial of Johannes Mehserle – the former BART officer who shot and killed Oscar Grant on New Years Day – to Los Angeles has once again thrust the city to the forefront of controversy involving police abuse and murder. Nearly two decades after the Rodney King beating case and forty-five years since Watts exploded in protest of law enforcement’s brutal behavior, the Oscar Grant case offers Los Angeles yet another opportunity to show the world how far we have progressed, or regressed, in ensuring that everyone – including police officers – are equal and accountable to the law.

As with any case involving law enforcement it is not merely a legal matter. It is very much a battle for social power between the elements of the status quo (i.e. law enforcement, politicians, business) who benefit from police officers’ arbitrary violence against Black people in particular and those who are fighting against it. Specifically, the Mehserle trial will go a long way in concluding if the State of California is willing to convict a police officer for murder.

While we are at least 6 months away from the start of the trial, its history-making potential begs for us to understand and analyze some important elements that will impact the verdict:

1. Support from Police – Mehserle is enjoying tremendous support from law enforcement despite the fact that he resigned from the BART police force and fled authorities to Nevada immediately following the shooting. Police organizations throughout the state have allegedly raised more than $3 million in support of his defense. Why would California police officers shell out millions to help someone who shot an unarmed person, quit the police force, and went on the run? They understand that if Mehserle is found guilty of murder it potentially creates a precedent that would make it easier to convict other officers of murder and other tougher felonies. Remember, the greatest taboo in law enforcement is to convict officers of murder. The belief is that they have the “right” kill – no matter how racist, tragic, and unjust. Police organizations will do whatever it takes to maintain that right.

2. Legal Strategy – Most people assume that because the incident was recorded for the world to see, Mehserle will automatically be found guilty. As many legal experts and activists know all too well, this is far from the truth. In order to receive the maximum punishment, the defendant will have to be convicted of either first or second degree murder. According to the law, first degree murder is pre-meditated and intentional. In contrast, second degree murder may be intentional but not pre-meditated. In either case these charges are difficult to prove against on-duty police officers who are given the right to carry and use a gun everyday.

3. Furthermore, Mehserle has already stated that he mistakenly grabbed his gun and shot Grant. The Alameda County District Attorney’s office, which hasn’t made a decision yet on which charge they will pursue, has the huge responsibility to put together a strategy to disprove Mehserle’s theory and show that he killed Grant intentionally. Did he shoot Grant because he was a young Black man? Did Mehserle have a history of committing abuse and misconduct? These are some of the questions that may be considered by the prosecution in establishing intentionality and pre-meditation. There is a lot at stake. In the state of California, anyone convicted of first degree murder gets no less than a sentence of 25 years to life and no less than 15 years to life for a conviction of second degree murder. If Mehserle is convicted of either it would be a rare and historic moment. It would be similar to the first time Klu Klux Klan members were first convicted of murdering a Black man in the south.

4. Jury Selection – If history is any indication, these types of cases are largely won and lost during jury selection. In almost every police brutality and murder case, the officer’s attorneys will fight to move the trial to an area that can produce a pro-police jury (e.g. white, suburban) that will likely acquit their client. This tactic was recently used by Mehserle’s lawyers, who demanded that the trial be moved out of Alameda County for concern that the jury pool in the area was largely prejudiced against the ex-BART police officer. While they were pleased that the trial was moved, they were just as disappointed that it ended up in Downtown Los Angeles rather than a court in the more conservative, pro-police San Diego County. With a population more diverse and critical of police abuse and misconduct than many, the jury pool in Downtown Los Angeles potentially provides prosecutors in this case with a rare situation – a jury open to finding a police officer guilty.

When Oakland exploded in anger after Oscar Grant’s killing, many in Los Angeles sat on the outside looking at a scene familiar to the civil unrest in 1965 and 1992. Now, through the inner workings of the justice system, Angelenos are center stage of another police-related tragedy. With a new LAPD chief in office and multiple investigations of the nearby Inglewood Police Department pending, the region’s leadership will be closely monitoring the Mehserle trial. Its verdict – whether guilty or innocent – may greatly impact the type of policing we will see here for the foreseeable future. Community activists and residents will need to be attentive and most importantly, effectively organize to make sure that police abuse and murder becomes a thing of the past.

Thandisizwe Chimurenga is a community activist and journalist. She can be heard most Thursdays on “Some of Us Are Brave: A Black Women’s Radio Program” on KPFK – Pacifica Radio in Los Angeles. She is also the Director of the Ida B. Wells Institute, a leadership development and media training program for Black women and girls. Her social commentary blog is exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.

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