Urban Thought Collective

I know I owe you guys more Dating in Denver, but once again something has happened that I must address first.

Okay you know how death always happens in threes? This summer it was Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Paul Newman. But now it seems so does dumb.

I’m talking about of course, Plaxico, O. J. and Jesse Jr. I’m only bringing this up because it’s one thing when a broke, not so bright dude does something stupid, I mean it’s not like he has a lot of options to do otherwise, but when college educated Negroes with money in their pockets start showing their ass, it just makes me want to throw up my hands and say, “God, I wish I liked girls.”

Alright fine Plaxico, you wanted to get your party on. I’m cool with that. I know lots of people are saying you’re too old to be out clubbing or too famous, but come on. Yes, you can be too old to suck your thumb, but too old to dance? Say it ain’t so. As for being too famous, well it’s New York for goodness sake. If you can’t party there you can’t party anywhere.

So Plaxico, you being at the club is not the problem. You being at the club with a gun isn’t necessarily the problem either. Your teammate, Steve Smith, did get jacked outside his home recently so I can understand the need for a little extra security.

Sure, carrying a concealed a weapon is against the law (without the proper license which you did not have), but so is speeding down the highway at 70 mph. And before you readers say “apple and oranges,” understand that cars are as deadly as guns just ask the 1.2 million people killed by them each year. So again, Plaxico, while I don’t like that you were carrying a gun, it’s a forgivable offense much like a running a red light. However, running a light because you knowingly drove a car without brakes is not and that’s pretty much what you did when you entered a crowded club with a gun WITHOUT the safety on. That’s where your problem began. You allegedly pulling out the gun to show it off or wipe it down or whatever the hell you were doing with it seconds before shooting yourself in the thigh is where your problem escalated.

The cover up afterwards is where your problem became possible jail time. Really, you thought no one at a NY hospital would recognize you? Despite the late night hour and you dressed in your club clothes, you really thought claiming you were shot at Applebee’s was going to fly? It never occurred to you that the doctor or your boy Anthony Pierce, neither of whom reported the shooting to the police would also be held accountable for your stupid actions? Really? All I can say is…you big dummy.

O.J. Where to begin? Okay thirteen years ago you got away with murder, literally. Yes, I am one of those black people who believe you did it. I am also one of those black people who secretly did a little “payback is a bitch” dance behind closed doors after you were acquitted. You were the unlikely and totally unworthy beneficiary of over 300 years of pent up black frustration with the white legal establishment. The blood of Emmit Till, Medgar Evers and countless other black men murdered by whites who were never held accountable (Evers’ murderer was eventually sentenced…thirty-one years later) was smeared all over your “Not Guilty” verdict. Instead of being grateful and appreciative, you grew more obnoxious and arrogant. Everybody knows after you allegedly murder your (ex) wife and get away with it, the polite thing to do is to fade into the background. Claus Von Bulow moved to London for Pete’s sake. Robert Blake has been persona non grata since his victorious day in court.

But what does your dumb ass do? You sought both media and police attention every chance you got culminating in, what can only be described as, a blatant act of cruelty by writing a book called “IF I DID IT”. Really? It never occurred to you how offensive this gesture might be not only to the Browns and Goldmans (not a fan of either family, but I’m sincerely sorry their loved ones are dead), but to the general public as well? You know people who might one day be picked to sit on a jury of your peers in the event you decide to brazenly walk into a Vegas hotel room, gun and goons in tow and rob some folks? Yes, some of the stuff rightly belonged to you and I can imagine how the police might not have been eager to help you get it back, but it’s just STUFF. My God, you got away with murder! It’s like winning the Heisman all over again. You should’ve taken the gift and ran, you big dummy!

Jesse Jackson Jr., yes I know all the facts aren’t in, and so my diatribe against you might be premature, but something about this smells fishy. Maybe it’s your father’s selfish and foolish behavior before, during and after Obama’s election that I’m objecting to (for the record I believe his tears during the acceptance speech were real, I just think he milked it beyond what was appropriate). Yes, I know it’s unfair to hold the son accountable for the sins of the father but if Caroline Kennedy can gain a Senate seat because of her family name surely you can lose one because of yours.

While you handled yourself graciously during Sr.’s “microphone” mishap, I’m not really feeling how you’re handling Blago’s “wire tapping” mishap. Maybe what rubbed me the wrong way was the teary CNN interview where you claimed to be fighting to clear your name so that when little Jesse III and Jessica google your name only lollipops and roses come up. Really? This is the biggest scandal to hit Chicago in forever and you’re worried about a future Google search? Maybe it’s the way your denial keeps repeating the phrase “I never authorized anyone to offer the Governor anything for the Senate seat.” Where’s the emphatic denial that no one in your camp offered anybody anything, period? Reading between the lines it’s not hard to see that someone on your behalf could’ve offered bribe money, you just didn’t “authorize” it.

This week, it was reported that years ago you notified the FBI that the Governor refused to appoint your wife to the Lottery Commission because you refused to donate $25,000 to his campaign. While this could be interpreted in a variety of ways, it seems like to me that having gotten burned once by not playing ball with the governor, some “unauthorized” person on your staff decided not to let it happen again.

Look, I’ll gladly eat my hat if it turns out you are innocent, I really will. But until then… if it looks like a dummy, acts like a dummy…then you’re probably a big dummy too.

Tamara T. Gregory is a writer/producer/traveler. Happily single (yes, there really is such a thing), she is an expert on the dating game. Her debut novel, Passport Diaries, is an LA Times bestseller and is soon to become a Hollywood motion picture. The book is available at www.passportdiaries.com. Gregory’s X…WHY blog is exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.