Urban Thought Collective

In case you’ve just joined us, for a few months now, Kali Love has been sharing the Man Tamer ABC’s. Sure I could have just listed them all in one go, but growth is not just about knowledge, it’s about using what you know consistently and repeatedly until, hey, look, what-do-ya-know, it’s who you are. And that takes time, effort and patience…nope, not my favorite words either.

But from what I’ve heard from some of my readers and best buddies is that times are a changin’ and taming has, indeed occurred all over the country. And that, my friends, makes me want to do a Becka cheerleading kick!

So, in honor of our collective growth, I thought I’d veer from the path for just a moment to the subject of….

Do-Right Men

Aretha sang about them, I’m always writing about them, but many of you are wondering who are these strange creatures and where exactly do they habitate and congregate?

Do-right men are the marrying type. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and nationalities, but the one thing they have in common is, you guessed it…when other men are acting out on a part to full-time basis, do-right men are DOING RIGHT! A strange bird, indeed.

I always wish I were smarter. Not more intelligent, but smarter. Case in point, I know a 14 year-old whose boyfriend of two years comes from a loving, two-parent family, is bilingual, gets great grades, plays sports, writes her the most amazing emails using all types of SAT words and not one spelling error, has a my-space page dedicated to how much he loves her, and they’re both still virgins. Can you say future do-right man??? Naw, I wasn’t that smart in my teens, or twenties…or well until about, um… four years ago.

And no, I’ve never had the Malaak Compton eye for turning a hilarious, but very greasy Christopher Julius Rock III into a prêt a porte Chris Rock, but I can make the right man want to marry me on about our first date. We all have our gifts. And while a small part of my talent I chalk up to je ne sais quois, the rest is just good old-fashioned weeding out of do-wrong men at hello. So, ladies…here’s your handy do-right man cheat sheet:

1. He approaches you when he sees you. Did you hear that, ladies? Stop it with the predatory behavior and act like your grandmother taught you something. Your job is to make eye contact (not stare), give him a sweet smile for about 5 seconds and then go about your damn business. I could go on and on with the why’s of this, and I may at a later date, but for now…He walks over, game on. He doesn’t, next batter up. Capice?

2. He calls and asks you on a date within three days of meeting you. I’m being generous here. I mean, really. Men, we’re not in high school and any woman who loves herself wants you to love her even more and is not surprised when you call her the night you meet her or the day after. BTW, a text message making sure she got home gets you like 10 points. See how nice I am, men?

3. He does what he says he’s going to do. OK, for real. This is the essence of do-right-ness. This is the guy who’s not gonna leave little Dominique on the swing set waiting for him when every other kid is at home eating hot cookies and soy milk. It’s a holy trinity: he calls when he says he’s going to call, he keeps his promises and he apologizes when he makes a mistake. Anything else is a guaranteed HEADACHE and a whole lot of tears.

4. He pays for your dinner dates. I’m sorry, but would the damn Bentley dealership send a check to your house each month for taking it off the lot? But lest this be construed as gold-diggerism, I’m gonna give this about 10 seconds of why. Because a man who is looking for a wife takes pride in being a provider and it starts at day uno, that’s why. Are you appreciative? Do you reciprocate in other ways? Do you take him out for a birthday dinner? Yes, yes, and yes…otherwise sit on your purse. And NO, you can’t ask to pay the tip or the parking. Damn.

5. He calls you every day. If he can go without hearing your voice, he’s not into you and you only cross his mind every so often. And if he’s blasé as heck about you early on, imagine how MIA he’s gonna be in six months. A year? Three years? Baby weight and stretch marks?

6. He thinks you are the bee’s knees. I don’t know you, (unless you’re my friend, in which case, hey girl!) I don’t know what your isms are and I don’t how you roll in a relationship. All I know is, he’s got to think you are the best thing since Barack Obama won the election. In fact, he should like you so much that his mother thinks you put a root on him. If he likes you a lot, but isn’t quite sure, is focusing on his career, is really busy right now and blah, blah, blah…you know what I’m gonna tell you. Beat it. I know…I’ve got me a few of those, too and they’re so deliciously tempting, aren’t they, but did I stutter? Beat it.

7. He asks you to be in a committed relationship with him. It’s just so dangerous to put a timeline on things, because don’t we all know of someone who waited six years and finally got the ring and now they’re just so happy, awwwww. But I’m not that type of chick. Maximum of three months, he should know whether he wants you to be his girlfriend. Maximum, and I mean penitentiary maximum, 2 years and he should know whether he wants to marry you.

And that, my friend is a do-right man. Ladies, men…you say what?

Kali Love is my sometimes brilliant, often obnoxious, alter ego. If I’m Chuck D., she’s a bit, well…Flava Flav with hers. So to protect my career as a writer/producer/Veuve Clicquot-sipping philanthrope, I shall remain nameless. But Kali Love? There’s no telling what she’ll say.