Urban Thought Collective

In honor of World AIDS Day on December 1, 2008, Urban Thought Collective brings you a thought provoking series of excerpts from Gil Robertson’s best-selling collection of essays, “Not in My Family: AIDS in the African American Community.”

Bodies collide as huge drops of hot sweat fall to the floor. Hearts are racing, thoughts are carefree, and the moment has full control. They’re ready to get drunk, have fun, and forget it all. She tells herself she’s earned it, that she’s young and now is the time to live spontaneously. He’s in his prime — the more he gets, the more he’s worth, and let’s be honest, she’s good enough to sample. So he does.

It only takes a moment, a silent lock of the eyes. The question — the answer — yes. They don’t know where they are. A vacant room — a car — a closet. It doesn’t matter. All we know is that she wants him and he wants her and in that special moment she will …

She will … what do you put in the blank? As varied as the answers will be, almost all of them will be wrong. In moments like these, when we feel it is understandable and almost right for us to lose control, we forget about the risks. The last thing we think is “in that special moment she will … be infected with AIDS.”

As an American woman living luxuriously in the suburbs of Los Angeles, I can say that being infected with the AIDS virus was one of the last things that I ever thought about. Even though I was born in 1984, in the height of the first epidemic, my relation to the AIDS virus was very tangential. I recognized the virus for the repulsive horror it was, I empathized with its victims, I watched the movies and campaigns, I knew both people living with and those who had succumbed to the virus, but I never truly considered the fact that it could one day attack me.

How is it that when young adults like myself think of the clichés our mothers told us involving unprotected sex (“A moment of passion may lead to a lifetime of pain” — or death, in this case), we are still more petrified of K-I-D-S, the fruitful offspring that will sacrifice our bank accounts and vibrant social lives, instead of being deathly afraid of A-I-D-S, the devastating virus that could sacrifice our lives? How can this still be the case, considering all the campaigns, the plays that come to high schools, Tyrese on BET, and Bono?

Tony Kushner’s “Angels in America” and Bono’s campaigns in Africa, as progressive as they are, helped me to maintain my distance and ignorance. I could contribute to the funds and watch the play and HBO movie while compartmentalizing these groups away from myself. As a black woman, I can safely say it was the first time I was excited to not be included. I was comforted by the fact that I was not. I am not a homosexual male, I do not share needles, nor do I live in a Third World country, and if I ever visited Africa, we can all be sure I would not have sex, protected or not, with a native. By these standards, I would never be infected with AIDS.

The largest group currently being infected with the AIDS virus in America is black women. That makes me Target #1. How did this happen? How did a virus whose favorite victim was homosexual white men develop a taste for the complete opposite — heterosexual black women?

This virus seems to be extremely successful in attacking marginalized groups. AIDS first attacked homosexual men and drug addicts, arguably two groups that the hegemony of this white, heterosexual, and patriarchal society tells us we can do without. Next, it globally attacked poverty, or shall we say, Third World countries. If that wasn’t enough, it attacked Africa, wiping out nearly an entire generation of people. Only a mass genocide could have been as swift. Now, American black women, who are known globally for their music video roles as females who can be objectified and degraded and enjoy it, are also under attack.

I am not trying to ring the bells for some incredible conspiracy theory. I am just trying to point out the fact that it is interesting. When I look at the hot spots in this country for AIDS and I see that most of them have historically-black colleges and universities as epicenters. I can’t help but scratch my head. What does this information really mean? Are black college students more promiscuous then their white counterparts, or are they less willing to use protection? I attended a predominantly white university and can say that in my four years, legions of virtuous white women and chaste white men were not to be found. Most importantly, races mixed and slept together. So what is it? What makes the difference between an outbreak at Howard and an outbreak at the University of Pennsylvania? What makes the difference between life for some and certain death for others?

These questions aren’t easily answered, and blame can prove to be a vacant game. This virus doesn’t care which group you think you’re a part of, or which group you choose to blame. Eventually, rich, poor, young, old, white, black, Asian, and other … our names can all be on the list.

~Nadia Lataillade

Essay taken from Gil L. Robertson IV’s 2006 bestselling anthology “Not in My Family: AIDS in the African American Community”. Mr. Robertson next book, Family Affair: What it Means to BE African American” will arrive in stores March 2008. For more information, please visit: www.robertsontreatment.com.