Urban Thought Collective

Doesn’t it always surprise you when a friend who’s been there forever is no longer in your life? And the person you thought would be fly by night becomes a ride or die homey? Man, life is funny. I’ve been thinking about this for the past couple weeks, then my co-worker sent this email to me:

There comes a point in your life when you realize

there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future…

Ain’t that the truth…

I had to learn to let people go because it wasn’t meant for them to walk with me for the duration of the journey. It’s hard because you want them there, like they’ve been, to share the ups and downs. But there comes a point in time when we grow. Sometimes we grow together. Sometimes we grow apart. And when we grow a part, it’s unfair to expect them to give us something they just don’t have the capability to give. Uh, I’m still working on that one.
This makes me think of Jay-Z and Dame Dash and the fall of the Rocafella Dynasty. Man that had to hurt New Yorkers something serious. That’s like Dre and Big Boi breaking up. If that ever happened I’d have to take a day off to mourn. Actually, that’s not the same thing. It’d be more like T.I. and Jason Geter, but Geter plays the background so it really wouldn’t affect me. Anyway, it seems Dre and Big Boi have found a way to honor one another’s personal journey and maintain the group. It’s unfortunate Jay and Dame couldn’t continue to do business together. Or is it? You just never know what goes on behind the scenes.

I think the growing a part is easier to deal with than knowing they really weren’t your friend in the first place.

Recently, I became aware of the fact that people will befriend you because they see your greatness before you do so they utilize your gifts, talents and resources for themselves. You think you’re helping them out in the name of friendship, not realizing that you’re not getting anything in return but maybe some laughs. This taught me to not be afraid to evaluate the folks in my life. Its okay to qualify them: Why are they here? What do they bring to the table that helps me become a better person? Am I always giving and they’re always taking? How do their actions express a sincere interest in my well being? Do they expect me to make sacrifices that harm me to benefit them?

Another thing I learned: don’t act like I don’t see what I see or don’t know what I know. Ooh wee, let me repeat that one: DON’T ACT LIKE I DON’T SEE WHAT I SEE AND DON’T KNOW WHAT I KNOW.

We know when someone’s taking advantage of us or manipulating us. We know! It doesn’t serve us to act like we don’t know what’s going on. And we can’t choose a fake friendship over ourselves- no matter how much it hurts.

My friend Tiffany is good at compartmentalizing folks in her life and I’m learning that from her. One person might start off in the inner circle, but for whatever reason, isn’t that close anymore and, therefore, is on the outer circle. Then, there might be somebody who’s been on the outer circle for years, and because our paths are similar, they move into the inner circle. Tiffany also honors each person’s role. She doesn’t go to the business friend for spiritual counseling or vice versa.

I gotta say I love my friends. Evaluating the people in your life makes you appreciate the real folks. Understanding how they honor me inspires me to be a better friend. It also serves as a reference point when someone is trying to wiggle their way in.

I guess that age-old adage is right: It’s not about the quantity. It’s the quality.

Here are some throwback videos about friendships:

TLC’S “What About Your Friends”

Johnny Gill’s “Fairweather Friend”

Peace.

UTC readers: In all that we seek to be or do or have, we humbly realize that in the Presence is our power to think, our very thought of aspiration, our will to commence, our strength to keep on, our power to achieve, and the glory of all our accomplishments. This is the Truth and it is now done. ~ A prayer from “Discover the Power Within You”

Envisioning you with much love, light and fulfillment. See you next week.

Yaminah Ahmad is editor-in-chief of The Atlanta Voice and contributing editor to Collective Voices, a newspaper published by the non-profit, SisterSong: Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective. More information on the group can be found at www.sistersong.net. Ahmad can be reached at missyaminah@gmail.com.