HUMOR/ONLINE SOAP OPERA

FACEBOOK FOLLIES

I can admit it – I’m a Facebook junkie. I’m on it ALL the time, “poking” my friends, uploading just about every photo I take of myself, supporting causes left and right, and taking just about any and every quiz I come across (*Note: for those of you not familiar with the drug Facebook, the aforementioned are simply various methods of getting your Facebook ‘high’). I even have the Facebook interface on my Blackberry, so there is never an excuse for me not to be in the know about what all my homies are up to.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake last week of accepting my boss Danny’s request to be my friend on the site. Initially, I’d just thought to myself that Danny was a lot more hip than I’d thought, so right away, I clicked on the “Accept” button without fully realizing how that may affect my addiction. For example, I worry now about updating my status, because he’s now able to login in to see exactly when I posted my status, which is often between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. when I’m not on a break or out to lunch. And, he has access to all my photo albums, many of which find me proudly holding an expensive bottle of liquor or displaying certain body parts that stay tucked away at the office. What the heck was I thinking?

In an attempt to quell my addiction by checking in only once I make it home (or when I really need a hit, to the safety of my car where I can use my phone), last night I jumped right on, ready to take “The Color Purple” Trivia Quiz that someone had challenged me to take. First, however, I scrolled through my friends’ status updates as I do every night. Nothing very exciting at first, but then one particular statement caught my eye.

Danny Torres thinks Sarah Palin just kicked the Senator’s ass.

I was shocked. For three years, I’ve worked for this man. Even done ridiculous things like take his youngest daughter school shopping and administering his ear medication when he had that weird infection. And after all these years, I never knew that he was (gasp!) a Republican.

I guess you never can tell. I suppose that would explain the scolding I received last week when he caught me and my girl Sandy during our water cooler chat discussing the first Presidential debate. “Didn’t Obama look sexy and svelte? I don’t know about you, but I love a brotha in a suit and tie.”

“Yah, me too,” she replied, ignoring the fact that she’d likely never referred to anyone in her life as a ‘brotha’.

“With that red tie. As soon as he walked on stage, I was like – winner.”

“I know. McCain’s stripes just reminded me of candy canes, which reminds me of Christmas, which makes me think of how broke I’m going to be this year. He needs to fire his stylist.”

“For real. But Obama’s got my vote anyway. He had me at ‘orgy of spending’.”

“You’re crazy, Di.”

“Serious. I mean, come on. He’s a charmer. If I were the leader of a foreign country, I’d work out some deals with him in a second, you know. McCain would just put me to sleep.

“I know. He reminds me of my dad. And if he were still alive, I surely would not want my dad running the country.”

“Okay. Me neither. My pops would be like ‘All we need to do to shape up this country is legalize marijuana. It would stimulate the economy, cure the sick, chill out all the pedophiles, and make our enemies think we’re some cool-ass cats.’”

Before Sandy even got a chance to chuckle, Danny popped over, looking concerned. “You know,” he began. “You two really shouldn’t discuss politics at work.”

I didn’t say it aloud, but my posture certainly said, “Excuse me?”

“Yes, uh. It’s really not appropriate to talk about in the office. Your opinions could be perceived as harassment or contributing to a hostile work environment.”

So, begrudgingly, I took a final sip of my water and returned to my desk, feeling a little guilty for breaking the rules (or, at least getting caught breaking a rule). Little did I know he had an ulterior motive all along. He was ‘Bama blockin’.

Once I figured this out, I was half-tempted to comment on his status, telling Danny something or two about himself. But instead, I decided to keep things vague.

Diane Brown doesn’t want to get written up or fired, so she’s keeping her mouth shut.

Hopefully, he’ll get the message.

Diane is (quite) a character on the online soap opera Buena Beach (www.buenabeach.com). Her weekly insights on what’s happening at the Beach are featured exclusively on Urban Thought Collective.


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Comments

October 6th, 2008 at 8:48 pm Tawnie says:

Stop! Too funny! Orgy of spending? You are a nut!

October 6th, 2008 at 9:01 pm RedRazor says:

Do women really have those conversations about Obama? LOL

October 6th, 2008 at 9:15 pm carter parks says:

this is so real!

October 6th, 2008 at 9:48 pm PATTY CAKE says:

I am a MySpace junkie but I keep hearing about Facebook. Is it better than MySpace? Do you use MySpace too or ever? I heard there is no black people on it.

October 6th, 2008 at 10:13 pm culturepop says:

Ok that’s it I’m going on there tonight to get started! All my friends have been on my back LOL
I just hope I don’t get hooked!

October 6th, 2008 at 10:20 pm lolalove says:

I love your stories just too funny

October 6th, 2008 at 10:33 pm Rodge says:

Love the quizzes on there I been starting to get into it

October 6th, 2008 at 10:44 pm Travis Utley says:

LMBAO I love the updates!

October 7th, 2008 at 12:32 am heatmizer says:

OMG this is sooo real! Love it

October 7th, 2008 at 1:29 am Krista Wills says:

HILARIOUS
I am slowly becomming a junkie myself!

October 7th, 2008 at 9:15 am belly says:

facebook is dope

October 7th, 2008 at 10:21 am Cassandra says:

Facebook is trouble I’m telling you. TROUBLE! Great entry..lol!

October 7th, 2008 at 10:27 am Tina says:

I love Facebook. You are so right it is like crack!!

October 7th, 2008 at 11:20 am chica22 says:

“And, he has access to all my photo albums, many of which find me proudly holding an expensive bottle of liquor or displaying certain body parts that stay tucked away at the office.”
BEEN THERE! LMAO!

October 7th, 2008 at 11:42 am Jessica Hubbard says:

facebook is my homie! lol

October 7th, 2008 at 11:44 am Philip Giddings says:

you are such a funny writer you make me feel like i’m right there!
hey you think you know a person ha ha

October 7th, 2008 at 11:57 am Jane Kennedy says:

my favorite is peeking in on the old high school folks seeing who married who and what the kids look like
facebook is so much fun

October 7th, 2008 at 12:10 pm UncleD says:

Dang Diane. I’m avoiding those sites like crack ’cause I’m scared if I try it once I’ll get hooked like everybody else.

October 7th, 2008 at 12:44 pm Stephanie says:

LOL. You should put this on your facebook status, “Diane Brown doesn’t want to get written up or fired, so she’s keeping her mouth shut.” Hilarious!!

October 7th, 2008 at 1:12 pm Evan says:

I admit that I lurk on FB & now know waaaay more about my co-workers & boss than I should. In some ways, it is good, it demystifies & humanizes people, even brings you closer to someone to see their mom & their dogs etc. On the other hand, it does seem like an artificial connection sometimes esp if you know something about someone & they didn’t actually tell but but you got it off FB.

October 7th, 2008 at 1:43 pm ingrid says:

hell facebook is the only way i can find certain people its crazy. They won’t answer their phone but they sure as heck update the status LOL

October 7th, 2008 at 4:17 pm pmatters says:

I agree with you Evan. I still think it is a little to intrusive though. FB is too much in your business.

October 7th, 2008 at 5:56 pm Elsa Harkins says:

Pretty funny Diane. I learned the hard way n’ had to take my “party pictures” down when I had one of my aunts ask me about one. I was like whoa whoa whoa those stuckas ‘r comin down.

October 7th, 2008 at 8:49 pm Ed80 says:

can people see your page if they are not your friend?

October 8th, 2008 at 8:39 am Ginger says:

OMG hilarious.

October 8th, 2008 at 9:42 am Diane Brown says:

@Ed80 - yes, you can restrict your profile to just friends, which is a helpful feature
@PattyCake - I have myspace too, but I like FB a lot better for some reason
@CulturePop - Watch out - I’ma be looking 4 ya
@UncleD - Stay away as long as you can!!!
@Evan & PMatters - I totally agree

October 8th, 2008 at 11:15 am culturepop says:

Ok I’m on now I’m going to be seeing you guys on there too! Here we go…

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