Urban Thought Collective

There is a line drawn in the sand. That line is a threshold. On one side is who we are and just beyond that border is who we want to be and the life we desire. We face that line at any given time. We usually see it when there is an opportunity to grow. I recently faced it.

Do you know what I realized when I knew it was time to step across that line? Part of my hesitation was the understanding that once I was over “there” I couldn’t cross back. So, I had to come to terms with the fact that I had to leave parts of myself behind because she couldn’t survive over there. I had to shed her. I looked at that line in the sand in my mind, said goodbye to the person in me that accepted less than what I deserved and jumped over to the other side. I crossed that line and told somebody, “No.”

How do I share without putting folks on front blast? My intention in revealing this experience is to let you know that when you say no to what appears to be gold, the treasure is actually you honoring yourself. (Maybe I can explain this better if I turn off Three 6 Mafia J Ah, that’s better.)

I was invited on an international trip. It was to a place that I prayed about visiting, so when the trip came up, I thought this was my prayer answered. Remember a few blogs ago I talked about instincts? Well, my alarm was going off from the beginning. But, I ignored it because I really wanted to go. So I did what we often do – I tried to flip the red flags into something it was not. I dressed it up in pretty explanations that I felt would dance circles around that part of me that looks truth in the eye until it was hypnotized by the lie. But my higher self – that part of me that is never separated from God – wasn’t having it. You know what they say? It is what it is and it’s gon’ be what it’s gon’ be. That’s what the elders say and they’re so right.

As it got closer and closer to the week to leave, pertinent information I requested was left unanswered. You know, like where’s the hotel? Who’s paying for the meals? Who’s picking us up from the airport? Is anybody picking us up from the airport? What’s the itinerary? What’s the flight info? The reason why I asked is because every other media trip out of the country I’ve been on supplied answers to all of those questions and much more. I’d get emails every other day with welcoming notes and tidbits of info like the weather and what officials our travel party would meet once we arrived. I never wanted for anything. I felt like I was in good hands. But this trip?!!!

Here’s the thing: a little voice in me said, “Why are you trippin’? Do you know how many people don’t get this opportunity and you’re complaining! So what it ain’t together like the other trips. This is different.” Then when that didn’t work, another voice said, “You know no matter where you are God is always taking care of you, so go.” That voice had me trippin’ for real because I do believe no matter the situation God is always taking care of me. But I also know that God always gives me the best. Anything I receive other than the best is what I chose to accept. True indeed, the Creator always will work it out, but why go down that road in the first place? That reminds me of two dreams I had a couple years ago.

The first one was me with a friend. Okay, it was some dude I liked. He was supposed to ride in this helicopter by himself, but wanted me to go with him. This voice told me not to get on. But, he wanted me to go, so I did. When I got on something happened and the helicopter started going down. I got so scared I woke myself up. The second dream I was on a bus and there were other people on it too. The voice told me to get off the bus. I was hesitating because I didn’t know why. Then, it said if I were to stay on I’d be okay, but I would have to endure what everyone else will endure. Do you know I stayed on that bus! It ended up crashing. I was okay, but of course, affected by it. Now, to be honest, I do believe I was watching my favorite television show, “Lost,” when I had these dreams. But, I’ve had so many extraordinary dreams that I know not to pay attention to all of them. Needless to say, without going into my business, I stayed on the helicopter and on that bus in real life and it did crash. What’s funny is when I had that helicopter dream I knew exactly what situation it was showing me in my life. I tried to act like I didn’t know. But I’ve learned the Spirit never lies, people do – and mostly to ourselves.

The day before the trip I received only my flight information. Everything else was a mystery. So, I stayed my black you-know-what in the “A.” And it wasn’t because I was scared of what might have happened. It was because all the other trips I went on I prayed for and I received everything I asked for and so much more. It was clear this wasn’t it.

You know I was tempted to contact people who went just to see what happened, but I stopped myself. I believe that it’s not about them. The trip could have been perfect, the best trip ever. But, that’s not my lesson. My lesson is to stand firm in my faith that everything I asked for I will receive, and I know from past experiences, that it’s always bigger and better than I imagined.

UTC family, I’d like to try something with you. Consider it a little experiment. Choose one thing today that you would like to see in your life, something you are committed to seeing manifest. Post it. If you don’t want to share your business with the family, then email me. Then, everyday nurture that special something you want in the way that makes you feel good. Keep us abreast on how it’s coming.

I’m looking forward to reading your posts!

I know I promised a new prayer, but all of it hasn’t arrived in my heart. So, I’m not going to rush it. I’ve learned everything has its own timing.

See you next week.

Yaminah Ahmad is editor-in-chief of The Atlanta Voice and contributing editor to Collective Voices, a newspaper published by the non-profit, SisterSong: Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective. More information on the group can be found at www.sistersong.net. Ahmad can be reached at missyaminah@gmail.com.