Urban Thought Collective

Is a good relationship supposed to come naturally, or is it supposed to be work? I was taught as a youngster that good things come to those who believe and a good judge of what a person believes is their works. However, when it comes to relationships, most people think a certain level of bliss should miraculously occur without much effort. Some would agree that a good relationship should come easy. Having to work so hard is a sign that it wasn’t meant to be. It should be a pleasure getting to know your significant other. That idea is always true during the honeymoon stage of the relationship, but what about when the newness wears off? Isn’t that when the real work is supposed start?

I hear women talk about how things just flowed with a particular guy they are dating. Does that just mean that he laughed at her jokes and went out of his way to make sure her every need was met? I could see how you ladies would love that type of treatment but you can’t really expect to build a serious relationship on that, can you? The amount of attention and affection that you show in the beginning can’t decrease if you want to keep your mate happy. When she starts a sentence with, “Well, you used to…” you better get on you’re A-game to keep her. Believe me, she is already thinking about an exit strategy.

So as a guy, the key to keeping your woman happy is consistency, right? Well, women get bored if you are too predictable. I guess that’s the essence of the whole bad boy thing. If I come see you because I know that is what you want, or call you because I know that it is expected, am I working too hard? I don’t think so. I think you have to do the things that are necessary to please your mate. I have a co-worker who is always talking about all the things her husband does for her like sending flowers, leaving hand-written notes around the house, paying for spa days for her and her girlfriends, and sometimes preparing her favorite dishes. In the same breath, this woman complains that he is only doing these things to make up for his past indiscretions. In my opinion, those actions are the things he should be doing.

So again I ask, what’s wrong with putting in work for the sake of your relationship?

When you begin to question if you are doing too much to make your relationship work, you are doing too much. Women have some basic needs such as reassurance, stability, spontaneity and security that aren’t just going to happen without a man making a conscious decision to invest his time and energy.

The answer to my question is that it has to be a mixture of work and natural chemistry. If it is worth it, there are things that need a bit of work. A relationship is like any other endeavor. The attraction makes it look easy but building it takes some effort. The question that you have to ask yourself is if you are receiving a return on investment or should you cut your losses. The attraction is the easy part but building a lasting relationship is going to be more difficult.

Do you think that a good relationship should happen naturally or should it be work?

How much work is too much?

Have you ever broken up with someone because it was too difficult to keep him or her happy?

Let’s discuss…

Vincent Slaughter is writer from Atlanta who describes himself as grown-ass man. loving son. faithful mate. flawed. occasionally funny. southern gentleman. humble, yet cocky. gemini. sometimes selfish. forgiving, but not forgetful. thankful. optimistic. thinker. doer. believer. reader. writer. a work in progress. learner. Above all, human. His thoughts on love and relationships also featured on www.skoolboisplayground.blogspot.com.