Urban Thought Collective

“HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT MY QUEENDOM… AND MY CHILDREN AND MY INTELLIGENCE?”

That’s how Erykah Badu started off her recent response to fans who’ve labeled her, among other things, a “ho” because she’s expecting her third child with a third man, her boyfriend Jay Electronica. The title of her post is “Pregnant with insults.”

Here’s some of what she said:

I’LL STATE MY PEACE
I am a great mother and care giver to my 2 children and to this world.
my children are 2 of the kindest and happiest people i have met.
I home schooled them and taught them the ways of good to the best of my ability.
I am their doctor and their nurse.
and even sometimes their mother and their father.
I am an excellent mother and resent all of the negative comments and insults on my character.

the fathers of my children are my brothers and friend .
we have a great deal of respect for one another and always will.
WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN TO NO END.
we took our own “vows” and CONTINUE TO UPHOLD THEM.
AND THAT IS WHAT THAT IS.

I recently filmed a book discussion between me and my friends on “The Witch of Portobello” by author Paulo Coelho, who also wrote “The Alchemist.” The book is about Athena, a woman who struggles to live authentically in modern-day society. She is labeled a witch because of how she chooses to live and worship. She never compromises her freedom, refusing to fit herself into the boxes created by her mother, her boss, her friends and society. Her life is threatened simply because the town she lives in doesn’t understand. When I read Erykah’s post, I thought, “Wow, they’re attacking Athena.”

And like the storyline, which follows Athena through different life experiences – where the reader gets a new perspective on love, marriage, children, religion – Erykah poses questions to her critics that challenge a belief system that they, in my opinion, are assuming she’s required to live by:

WHAT IS MARRIAGE ?
WHO IS THE JUDGE?
WE ONLY UNDERSTAND THE EXAMPLES WE ARE GIVEN (well sort of)
WOULD IT “LOOK BETTER ” TO MARRY AND DIVORCE AND MARRY AGAIN ?
WOULD THAT BE MORALLY CORRECT ?
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE ? the government’s involvement i guess.
IDEALLY , IT WOULD BE EXCELLENT TO FIND THE MAN OR WOMAN WHO FULFILLS YOUR SPIRIT AND STAY FOR EVER AND EVER ( thru sickness and health till death do us part ) AND HAVE HEALTHY STRONG CHILDREN AS A RESULT OF A HEALTHY AND STRONG UNION.
(this CAN happen … we need much training , however.)

HOW MANY OF YOU GREW UP IN 2 PARENT HOMES THAT WERE MISERABLE AS FUCK ?
OR 2 PARENT HOMES THAT WERE NOT PERFECT BUT WORKED?
HOW MANY GREW UP IN ONE PARENT HOMES WHERE THE MOTHER WORKED HARD TO MAKE SURE YOU WERE CARED FOR BUT SHE WASNT QUITE HAPPY?
HOW ABOUT A HOME WHERE THE FATHER WAS THE MAIN CARE GIVER AND DID THE BEST HE COULD -LACKING NURTURE?
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE A SIBLING THAT HAS A DIFFERENT FATHER OR MOTHER?
DOES HE OR SHE MEAN LESS TO YOU?
HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 1 MOTHER OR FATHER OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN?
HOW MANY OF YOU HAD /OR / ARE PARENTS RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN,THAT DONT QUITE FIT ANY OF THESE DESCRIPTIONS?
HOW MANY OF YOU STAY IN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS FOR FEAR OF GOING TO HELL?
HOW MANY HO’S OUT THERE … THAT HAVE KIDS TO GET A PAYDAY?
HOW MANY PEOPLE GETTING THEY ASS KICKED AND ARE FORCED TO SUBMIT CAUSE YO MAMA GOT HER ASS KICKED?
THEN WHAT is CORRECT?

My last blog was about following our instincts. It’s scary enough to get the courage to do the things we’re being led to do that’s outside of the box. But what about the backlash? What do you do when folks don’t approve?

I’ll share something. When I made the decision to move to Atlanta, my parents didn’t get it. They thought I was following my high school sweetheart. And I didn’t know how to explain it because it was an overwhelming feeling of just knowing. My move created a new dynamic in my relationship with them where they had to learn me while I was learning myself. I remember the first few years my mother used to ask me about when I was going to get married. It was the farthest thing from my mind. I was trying to figure out why I was led to Atlanta. At one point, I had to tell her to stop asking me. I think it took a while for them to understand that I have a different path than from what they’ve lived.

Interestingly enough, their paths were different from their families. I believe it’s natural for us to be ourselves. It doesn’t mean that I won’t get married nor have children. It just means it will happen in divine timing like everything else. And I’d like to assume that Badu is divinely led and is listening to the voice. Doesn’t that come out in the lyrics of her songs?

This situation reminds me that people are always, always watching when you choose to live an authentic life that honors you, your life’s purpose and those around you. They are watching to see how far you will go, if you’ll give up and how you handle roadblocks. And if you fall, they are looking to see if you get up and how you get up. People are always watching when you choose to live outside the box. Some are looking to see if you make it because it will give them courage to try. What I’ve learned is that when you, with every decision, choose to follow your instinct and create your own path, you’ve already made it. Sometimes, it’s not about the big picture, it’s all about the journey.

Did you see the episode of the Sundance Channel series “Iconoclasts” with Dave Chappelle and Dr. Maya? I remember something Dr. Angelou said to him about people’s opinions of him. With her fame she said, and I’m paraphrasing, that she’s learned to leave compliments where she finds them because if she picks them up, she, in some way, co-signs their thoughts about her. I took that to mean that sometimes we adopt a definition of who we are from somebody that is in no way a part of the union between us and God. Their words reflect what they see, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be an accurate observation of what is. Only we know that.

I am dreaming of a day when we will have the courage to be our authentic selves even if those around us don’t understand.

Envisioning you with much love, light and fulfillment. See you next week.

Yaminah Ahmad is editor-in-chief of The Atlanta Voice and contributing editor to Collective Voices, a newspaper published by the non-profit, SisterSong: Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective. More information on the group can be found at www.sistersong.net. Ahmad can be reached at missyaminah@gmail.com.