Urban Thought Collective

A friend told me the other day that “women can’t handle the truth and don’t want the truth.” He said that if they did, they would not react the way they do when they get it.

He compared wanting the truth to wanting a million dollars or a new Mercedes. If a person really wants something, when they get it they are happy.

I say no, that is not how the truth works. So a man comes clean about cheating, lying or inappropriate behavior with another woman, and if a woman’s reaction is anything other than “It’s okay baby, I forgive you,” the man is quick to say “I knew I should not have been honest.” (Disclaimer: Not all men, but some.)

Truth Be Told …The truth is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. It is like a huge horse vitamin that makes you gag a little bit when it goes down. It may be hard to swallow, but it is definitely good for you. Some of us do want the truth even if we have a strong reaction to it when we get it.

I have had a couple of long-term relationships. In one of them, my significant other and I decided to be as honest with each other as we possibly could. We called ourselves, “living the truth.” That meant that we had to be honest about our feelings, our desires, our past, and our “mistakes.” I do not necessarily recommend this much honesty to everyone.

The relationship was going well (so I thought) and at some point my “Man” says that he has something to tell me. If someone starts the conversation like this I am always holding my breath. We were sitting on the bed in my apartment in the early evening. The television is off and the lights are low. I brace myself. I take a deep breath and he looks me in my eyes and just as he says IT, he looks away as if it is would be too difficult to look at me and speak the truth. He proceeds to tell me that he slept with someone else while he was away on vacation. The pain is indescribable. It was as if my spine disappeared and my body gave up from the agony piercing my heart. I slid off of the bed onto the floor and screamed so loud everyone in the building had to have heard me and stopped what they were doing right at that moment. I crawled into the bathroom, a few feet away, because it would have been too difficult to walk in my condition. I locked the door and cried in the dark until he left.

After I picked my self up off the floor, came out of the dark and all of my theatrics were over, I realized that this “truth thing” was not going to be easy. I am no longer with him, but that was not what broke us up. I did forgive him after a couple of weeks; some flowers, a little begging and about 2 million apologies. I have so much respect for this man today for doing something that most people would not have the guts to do.

I still maintain a high level of honesty in my relationships. It is not easy, but it works for me. It makes it easier to trust if we both agree on the level of honesty in the beginning. I also know I am truly accountable for my actions because of this commitment. Even after that incident I still want the truth. I still believe “honesty is the best policy.”

I wonder what most people believe. Is honesty is the best policy? OR do you subscribe to the idea that “What you don’t know won’t hurt you?”

I am curious. Tell me what you think.

Remember… It’s Always Love.

ReNina Minter is a former elementary school teacher who followed her passion and earned a Masters in Clinical Psychology. Minter is now a Certified Life Coach. Check out her website at www.CoachReNina.com. Her editorials are exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.