Urban Thought Collective

At a young age we are taught emotional repression. When we discipline our children and they are hurt, we immediately tell them to suck it up and threaten them with more pain if they don’t comply. As we mature into adolescence, our emotions are then defined into gender roles. Men are limited in the numbers of emotion that they can express or feel, while women are characterized as being overly emotional.

It’s no wonder we are so guarded when it comes to expressing how we feel. Some of us are so repressed that we lie to ourselves about having emotions or are only able to express secondary emotions like anger to hide our true feelings. This can result in us mentally abusing ourselves because our natural emotions are not willing to comply with artificial constraints imposed on them by society.

Beating ourselves up over feeling emotions is like beating ourselves up for breathing, an essential process for sustaining our lives. Emotions are no different. They are chemical processes that occur in our body, similar to sight or any other sense that we have. It is up to the viewer to interpret what he or she sees. This also applies to emotions in that it is up to the feeler to interpret what he or she feels.

These interpretations are influenced by our beliefs and the cultures we grew up in. Take into account that it is you who assign thoughts to your feelings. This is important, because it reminds us that it is not the event, person, or place that is the cause of our emotions. Each individual is responsible for how they feel.

Here’s an example. A man invites a woman to dinner. The woman believes that man really likes her and feels happy. After the dinner she gives the man a kiss. Another man invites a different woman to dinner. This woman believes that man has ulterior motives and feels suspicious. After her dinner she demands to be dropped off at home immediately. In both of these examples, it is not the man or the dinner that causes the women feelings. It is the women’s belief about the event that causes their emotions and determines their reaction.

We tend to blame others for our emotional response by saying “he made me angry” or “she made me mad.” This is another way of not dealing with our true feelings. By halting these processes we only delay the inevitable. Feelings gain intensity over time and manifest themselves in other areas (such as physically, financially, familial, academically, etc.) in order to complete their course.

Repression of emotions can eventually lead to neurosis. This is evident in ones need to escape emotions through drugs or other methods to repress feelings.

Today it is becoming more acceptable to seek psychological services to deal with issues deeply imbedded in past experiences, as well as dealing with current issues that we aren’t clear on how to address. These services and other forms of emotional training are something we could all benefit from.

It’s good to consider that you don’t owe anyone an explanation about how you feel. Simply admit to yourself how you are feeling. Go someplace private and comfortable if need be while experiencing your mood, and monitor your thought process. Watch for self defeating thoughts or lies that you may tell yourself. This adds energy to the emotions, sustaining them longer. Remember, thoughts initiate emotions and vice versa.

Lastly, remember emotions only demand to be felt. Be mindful of your thoughts while experiencing your moods. We don’t have to assign a belief to them. Try to simply experience the feeling and let it continue on its course without assigning a belief to it or making something else responsible for it.

The next time you find yourself justifying, self defeating, punishing, or suppressing your feelings, keep in mind that you have nothing to fear and the feeling will pass. You will survive! Be lenient with yourself. After all, we are emotional creatures.

Roderick Watkins is a Certified Hypnotherapist and doctoral student in Metaphysics. His mission is to aid you in finding resolutions for conflicted parts of your being using spiritual resources to guide you on the path towards a unified self. His blog “Soular Powered” is exclusive to Urban Thought Collective.