Urban Thought Collective

I started out my personal blog with an introductory entry about the things I believed. It was a good way to let people know where I stand on random topics, everything from who is the best player in the NBA (Kobe is a beast) to how I thought pre-silicon Kelly Rowland was sexier than everybody’s favorite girl, Bounce (since that posted, Alicia Keys and Rhianna have surpassed both). The focus of “MEN-tal Note” is relationships, so I think it would only be right for me to do the same thing regarding my opinions on the subject at hand.

1. The “Authentic” Me vs Who You Want Me To Be.

I understand wanting to put your best foot forward and presenting a good image, but eventually the real you, with the bad credit, poor hygiene, nasty house, and jealous insecurities is going to be revealed. Trying to conform to be what someone else wants is a sure way to leave both of you frustrated and disappointed. I have made this mistake in my relationships. Only recently have I started to become comfortable enough with myself to be the “authentic” me.

2. No matter what they say, women do not trust your female friends.

Most of my friends are female. Somewhere along the way, I lost touch with all of my boys from high school and college. It has just been easier for me to get along with women. I cannot seem to find a girlfriend who can tolerate them. Up front, I let it be known that the women calling my cell phone are not prospective girlfriends but friends that are girls. Despite their proclamations that they “understand” and “as long as they know who I am to you,” within a few months I get the “So why do you have to talk to her now that you are in a relationship?”

3. Whatever rule you had for dating in your twenties, will be forgotten in your thirties.

All that mess about not dating someone with kids, someone younger, someone without a degree or someone at least this tall (women are good for this one) is great when you are young and feel like you’ve got forever to find that someone special. When you get to about 35 or 40, you realize that not all that really matters. You just want someone who is about something, attractive (to you), and shows a genuine desire to treat you right.

4. Unless children are involved, all contact should be cut with your exes.

There are two groups of thought on this issue. One group believes that their significant other cannot dictate who they can and cannot be friends with, and it is disrespectful to suggest the opposite. The other group is never going to be cool with the dude who used to tap that a#$ showing up at the July 4 cookout. The two sides both have very valid point and will never agree, so you have to choose one and stick to it. I will be the first to admit that I might change my point of view depending on the “friend.”

5. An ultimatum will make you one lonely chick.

Do not give me a “you better or else” ultimatum if you want to be in a relationship with me! I am going to test you and see if you are really bout it-bout it as you claim. Most men are stubborn to begin with, and a sassy chick, although extremely sexy, is prone to try to buck up against your manhood. These very important times in a relationship will establish who the boss is really. Every ship has a Captain and it cannot be both of you. Not saying that it has to be the man just that there cannot be two.

6. It is not always best to tell the truth.

My girlfriend recently asked me what I would change about her body if I could. Being preoccupied with work and all of the deadlines getting closer and closer, I mistakenly told her that I wished her butt were bigger. Why did I do some dumb mess like that? It took me a good forty-eight hours to convince her that I still found her attractive and wanted to be with her. I am not the first one to make this mistake, but if I can help it I will be the last. Brothers, do not ever tell a woman that her body is less than perfect in your eyes, do not make any compliment about another female’s body, or suggest how you think that the woman she suggested for a threesome is sexy (leave that to her…just shut up and enjoy!).

7. Space is the most important ingredient to a successful relationship.

It is getting more and more difficult to find time away from the person you are sleeping with. Why is that a bad thing? Because new technology is the Devil and it is Satan’s plan that you will have to email, text, IM or call your significant other all day long. When people say that communication is important to a successful relationship, they are talking about a quality exchange of thoughts and ideas, not the frequency at which we can discuss the same thing repeatedly. If you are lucky, you and your mate will genuinely like each other and have conversations filled with interesting topics and insight. If you are unlucky, you will get that same text or email every day asking you, “What are you doing?” Talk about dying a slow and torturous death.

These are just some of my beliefs. Do you agree or disagree?

Ladies, do you have any truism when it comes to dating that contradict mine?

Fellas, I know that I missed some, so add to the list.

Vincent Slaughter is a writer and graduate of Morehouse College. Single and living in Atlanta, Georgia, his thoughts on love and relationships are also featured on www.skoolboisplayground.blogspot.com.