Urban Thought Collective

I was at a friend’s place flipping through channels to see what I’m missing out on, since I don’t have cable. I came across BET and it was showing a rap video. I honestly can’t tell you whose video it was, or even the song.

But, we know the scene all too well: women, money, extravagant cars, expensive champagne, and envy from those who don’t have it. For the few seconds I was watching, it seemed like a soft porn video with the lovely ladies groping the artist and each other. What caught my attention was the expression on the man’s face. It was pride, as if he had reached some pinnacle of success simply because of the two women with him.

It made me think of the whole Don Imus fiasco, and the reaction older black men had toward him. How they felt his remarks were a reflection of rap music. I think it’s easier for older black men to use hip hop as a scapegoat for misogyny, than it is for them to examine what they taught young boys about women through their example.

The psychological ramifications of slavery have left black men struggling with their identity and self-worth. Throughout the Reconstruction Era, black men continued to be emasculated. They were denied work or not paid enough in order to survive. Meanwhile, their lives were in constant danger.

I think we not only carry the blood of our ancestors in our veins. We also carry their history. I think black men are still carrying a lot of anger from how they were treated. That anger manifests itself in different ways.

Boys learn about manhood by watching other men. It is interesting to me that, in order to earn their rite as a man, they must get laid. Yes, some are taught the importance of integrity, respect and responsibility. But it is clear in this society that a man ain’t a man unless he got some. And, men get bonus points for their first time if she had more experience and a bunch of tricks in her repertoire.

So many black men don’t understand that their identity is largely based upon black women. But black women know it better than anybody. How many women dim their light so her man can shine? How many women have the solution to a family crisis and don’t say anything, so she won’t overshadow his “leadership?” How many women sacrifice their life purpose and manage their man’s dreams in an attempt to give him parts of himself back that are taken by this white supremacist society?

In “The Fire Next Time,” James Baldwin speaks about how black men were an “immovable pillar” in the white man’s world. Once “he” (black men) “moves out of his place, heaven and earth are shaken to their foundations.” When black men began demanding to be treated like human beings, it created an identity crisis in white men. The “top” only exists if there is somebody at the “bottom.” Black men experienced the same thing when women stood up for themselves. And black women experienced a backlash for it.

bell hooks speaks about it in her book, “Salvation: Black People and Love.” She cites the 1966 essay, “Who Will Revere the Black Woman,” written by Abbey Lincoln. It states: “But strange as it is, I’ve heard it echoed by too many black, full-grown males that black womanhood is the downfall of the black man in that she (the black woman) is ‘evil,’ ‘hard to get along with,’ ‘domineering,’ ‘suspicious,’ and ‘narrow-minded.’ In short, a black, ugly, evil you-know-what.” Bitch? Ho? She wrote this essay in the 60s! Black women were experiencing these issues with black men long before rap music ever came into the picture.

In my opinion, in order for black women to receive the respect they rightfully deserve, black men must be willing to sever the fabric of their manhood and identity from women. But, in order for this to work, all black men, not just rappers, must give up their “bitches” and “hoes.”

Our black male elders gotta give up the “ride or die bitch” that works in their office, knows their dirt, but because she believes in his cause, she keeps her mouth closed so he can maintain his public persona. Our black male “leaders” must give up their “hos” – you know, the Black Liberation mistresses and groupies at the book signings, panel discussions, rallies, town hall meetings – whose sexual availability and prowess strokes his male ego and makes him feel like a “real man.”

It’s not fair for black elders to talk about rappers, when some of them enjoy the benefits of celebrity (groupies and hos). All African-American men have got to give her up in order for women to receive the respect and honor they deserve.

I’m dreaming of a day when black men know that their value in this world has nothing to do with what title we give them, the people around them, or what material things they’ve acquired. They will know that they have the presence and power of God within them. They have all they need to light up the world.

Envisioning you with much love, light and fulfillment. See you next week.

Yaminah Ahmad is editor-in-chief of The Atlanta Voice and contributing editor to Collective Voices, a newspaper published by the non-profit, SisterSong: Women of Color Reproductive Health Collective. She can be reached at missyaminah@gmail.com.