Urban Thought Collective

SPEED RACER IN IMAX (PG)

MOVIE BIASES
Ah, sweet childhood … Pre-sold!

MAJOR PLAYERS
Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, Christina Ricci, producer Joel Silver, writer/directors The Wachowski Brothers

LOGLINE
Driving in the shadow of his older, legendarily reckless brother Rex (Scott Porter), Speed Racer (Hirsch) is a lifelong race car driver who more than lives up to his name. He rebuffs the corporate wooing of Mammon-like Royalton Racing to save the family business by teaming up with the mysterious Racer X (Fox) en route to the premier event of the World Racing League, the Grand Prix.

THE DEAL
My head hurts. This is not a good type of hurt, either. “Speed Racer” is one very, very busy movie. Anchored by a convoluted plot, with an even clunkier, annoyingly undercooked script, The Wachowski Brothers’ living, breathing real-life cartoon adaptation is a technical, green-screen marvel, but not much else. That technical proficiency, however, is worth the price of admission alone. The movie is a visual candy cane, as gorgeous as a ’90s Hype Williams video, brighter and more primary than a box of Crayola 64s. Just don’t go see it at an IMAX screen, as much as it pains me to say this (THE REEL DEAL is a typical man: bigger is ALWAYS better - except in this case). Or, if you do, sit in the furthest row possible for this hyperkinetic disappointment.

How hectic is this movie? Glad you asked. Even the credits are on crack. The Wachowski team cuts the movie faster than a sous-chef does vegetables. I wouldn’t be surprised if a handful of epileptic seizures break out this weekend. At times, these Ritalin-busting special effects are visually striking, evoking many of the purposefully corny, drawn-in actions of the cartoon with real people (and chimps - yes, Chim Chim is in full effect here). Other times, it just strains your brain and corneas, trying to keep up with the overly-stylized, “set designed within an inch of its life” pace.

Another bone I have to pick with this production goes to the rules of this world: there are none. Is it cool that Speed can barrel-roll his car over danger (Tokyo), drift the Mach 5 in a heartbeat, and drive UP the side of a mountain? Maybe - if I were six years old. Otherwise, without a clear delineation of what can and can’t be done in this cartoon world-brought-to-life, it’s hard to invest emotionally or rationally. It’s hard to know what the stakes are when there are no rules to this world. I’m not looking for reality in my “Speed Racer” - I just want it to make sense even within itself.

In an entirely green-screened vision like this, actors are mere stand-ins for scenic purposes, as two-dimensional as the show upon which they are based. John Goodman blusters around nicely as a Luigi-mustachioed Pops Racer. Matthew Fox is appropriately surly and shadowy as Racer X. Christina Ricci and her clamshell hairdo are cute, but woefully underutilized as Trixie. While Emile Hirsch is downright invisible against the relentless backdrop of special effects. Only the chubby charisma of Paulie Litt (Jersey Girl) as mischievous younger brother Spritle, injects anything like a real, fun character into the proceedings. Okay, maybe the chimp, too.

How does that quote go? “Never go to excess but let moderation be your guide.” Totally over the Wachowskis heads. Maybe if they’d pried their eyes out of the Avid machine long enough to spread a little of their excess to the woefully bloated and convoluted script (it is easily one race too long), then “Speed Racer” wouldn’t be the flashy, high profile letdown it ultimately is. After their five year directing siesta following “The Matrix” trilogy, the Wachowskis perhaps felt like this uninspired piece of “Speed Racer” dialogue: “This is the only thing I know how to do, and I gotta do something.” No, Andy and Larry, you don’t. Not to this synapse-numbing, retina-scorching degree.

@@ REELS

(TWO REELS)

Extra medium.

Edwardo Jackson is the author of the novels EVER AFTER and NEVA HAFTA, (Villard/Random House), a writer for The 213 Magazine, and an LA-based screenwriter. Visit his website at www.edwardojackson.com where his new novel I DO? is available NOW.