ENTERTAINMENT

The Latest On Mariah + Nick
Jay + Bey, Lil Kim + More

PROTECT YA NECK … PRE-NUPS, PRE-NUPS & MORE PRE-NUPS!
I still think we’re being hoodwinked and bamboozled with this Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon marriage. I swear Ashton Kutcher is gonna come out and say, ‘YOU GOT PUNKED!”

However, reports are confirming that Mariah did marry Nick, but Mimi is not playing with her coins! I’m sure Tommy Mottola taught her well. Au contraire, mon frere! Ms. Thang does have a pre-nup in place.

A friend of Mariah previously said that “there was no pre-nup” because “there wasn’t time” before last week’s rapid fire wedding. Mariah shut that rumor down with a quickness, reportedly telling a friend, “Anyone who thinks we didn’t have a pre-nup is smoking something!”

Nick & Mariah supposedly got married in a small ceremony in the Bahamas and Mariah’s cousin, Shawn McDonald, walked her down the aisle.

Word on the street is that Mr. & Mrs. Cannon (now you know she ain’t taking his last name) are planning a big party for all of her New York pals when they return from their honeymoon.

We all know that this is Mariah’s second marriage. She was hitched to music mogul Tommy Mottola from 1993 – 1998.

Nick, who seems to be thirsty for a wife, was recently engaged to Victoria’s Secret model Selita Ebanks in 2007. However, Selita called off the engagement that same year. But, let’s get real. Was the girl really gonna dis him and say “hell to the naw” on the big jumbotron, in the heart of Times Square, on national television? Now that would have been a cold hearted gangsta move!

When Nick was asked what he loved about Mariah, he said “everything.” Let me dig for the pre-nup details and I’ll get back at ya!

BEYONCE + JAY-Z PRE-NUP
I personally think that Beyoncé and Jay-Z Carter have been secretly married for quite some time. But, reports blew up that they got married a month ago, and now their alleged pre-nuptial agreement has surfaced via the National Enquirer. Hey … I just happened to find it there ….

It seems that the dynamic duo reportedly signed an agreement stating that if the marriage ends within two years, Jay-Z would give Beyoncé several million dollars up front and an additional million for each year she remains in the marriage, up to fifteen years.

Now, folks are speculating that B could have a bun in the oven, which then explains the pre-nup clause that the agreement also includes a multi-million dollar award (to make up for loss of income during motherhood) for each child the singer bears to the rapper.

That’s right, if you can’t get paid for maternity leave in the US, then damnit, honey, let my man step up to the plate. I want a million for each stretch mark and $2 million for each breast feeding bite mark.

Supposedly, the agreement also allows Beyoncé access to J’s private jet, numerous autos, and other luxuries. I’m sure he’s got access to her jet too, don’t get it twisted!

SAY WHAT?? R. KELLY WITNESS HEADED TO THE STAND
A woman is set to testify at R. Kelly’s upcoming child pornography trial that she had a three-way sexual encounter with Kelly and the allegedly underage girl shown in the video at the heart of the case. Let’s hope homegirl doesn’t become missing in action or suddenly perjure herself (cha ching $ - you feel me).

Is it me, or could I have graduated from a 4-year college at least 3x already with as long as this trial is taking? Money talks and that’s for real!

All I know is, if I sneeze the wrong way, I better be able to go hang out with Michael Jackson & Bubbles on the beach, choreograph a few videos in Brazil with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson & Alonzo Mourning giving me lap dances, shoot my Pam Grier action films and kick back for a few years before they charge me!

The “Rra” is my boy & all, but dang, hurry up already with the legalities & make the movie of this trial already.

R. Kelly, who is now 41, is accused of videotaping himself having sex with a girl estimated to be 13 or 14. He has pleaded not guilty over & over & over again, and jury selection is set to begin Friday. Now, when the trial is set to begin … at this rate, might be in the next millennium.

In the past, Kelly has faced civil lawsuits from underage girls accusing the singer of inducing them to have sex with him and a second woman. The title track of his 2007 album, “Double Up,” refers to a man arranging a ménage a trois.

The damn case has been pending since June 2002, when Kelly was first indicted on multiple counts of child pornography, and a videotape was sent anonymously to the Chicago Sun-Times. It shows a man alleged to be Kelly engaging in various sex acts, including urinating on the underage girl. The tape was turned over to the Chicago Police.

R Kelly faces up to 15 years in prison if convicted.

LIL KIM’S CAR IS JACKED
All it takes is three or four missed payments for your house to go into foreclosure, so after four missed payments, Lil Kim’s house on wheels was jacked by the repo man. Two New Jersey men took along NY’s “Channel 11 News” camera crew for a story on how car repossessions are on the rise, when they went to snatch up the Queen Bee’s Bentley outside her Alpine crib.

This is better than an episode of “Repo Man: Stealing for a Living” on cable.

Now you know, repo men drink liquid courage for breakfast to do their job. When one repo guy asked Lil Kim for the keys, she flat out refused. I’m surprised she didn’t cut that ass, but after a quick flashback of her recent stay in the slammer, she stepped back and offered no resistance as they chained up her Bentley, estimated to be worth $250,000, to their flatbed truck.

Now you know like I know, they were all in her dash board and trunk, sniffing her seats and taking B-boy photos by the car with their camera cell phones.

Her