Rules Of Engagement:
A Brother Breaks It Down

I heard a woman say recently that men do not know what they want when it comes to women. A dude will proclaim all day that he wants a model-thin chick with long hair and green eyes. Next thing you know, he is all up under a thick dark skin sister with a natural. The dude claiming to want an independent woman always seems to find a clingy low self-esteem chick to call his boo. I was going to protest this generalization until I thought about my own list.

A while back, I posted a short list of the basic requirements that I look for in a potential mate. Even after creating the list, I knew that it wasn’t something that could be carved into stone. For every rule, there is an exception, right?

The initial list that I posted got some very interesting responses including someone giving me the serious side-eye for being so shallow. Admittedly, it was superficial, but I can be that way sometimes. Since then, I have gone from single man to being in a happily committed relationship. My new significant other (SO) breaks most of those rules, so it is time to rethink and revise what qualities I find attractive in a woman. No, I am not catering this list to match her qualities, but a brother is under her sexy influence.

Worker – Relationships are work and I do not want to be the only one fighting to make this thing last. You do not have to wait until some drama occurs to find out if a woman is a worker. The tell tale sign is if she works hard to build a good foundation for your relationship (open honest communication, support, encouragement and fights fair)

Passionate – I love someone who has passion for life. Whether it is passion for work, travel, sports, partying or family, please just do not be dry. Life is full of difficulties and I do not want to go through it with someone who is just going through the motions. This can also apply to your sex life. A woman who is passionate about it will always keep it fresh and exciting.

Friendship – As important as it is to be in love, I think it may be more important that you like the person. I want someone I can share a laugh with, chill and watch movies with, and talk about my fears with.

Communicator – In the past, I was not a big talker when it came to relationships, but lately I am trying to change. I realize that one of the most important building blocks for a good relationship is communication. One thing I have found frustrating is a woman who talks all the time but cannot express clearly how she feels. You know the type who talks just to hear her own voice. I need a woman who can effectively tell me what is going on with her so that we can deal with it. She also cannot forget that communication is a two-way street and she has to listen just as well as she talks.

Learner – Every day should teach you something new. A woman who craves knowledge and new experiences is very attractive to me. I have met some women who have not read a book since college, do not watch the news and have not traveled anywhere outside of their city/state. That is pathetic.

Teacher – Show me something new. Help me to grow as a person. The woman who I am interested in should not be a female version of me. She should have different interests. Like poetry, Janet Jackson, knitting, rock climbing or something that I usually do not mess with. I can warm some food, but if you show me how to make your favorite dish the way you like, I will do it for you when you least expect it.

Sense of Humor – I can be silly and goofy, so I need a woman who can appreciate a good laugh. She cannot be too serious and not know how to laugh at herself sometimes. Laughing is the only way to get through some of life’s hard times.

Spiritual – I grew up going to church every Sunday but I will not lie and say that I was active or engaged. As I have grown older, I have gained a new appreciation for having a healthy and active spiritual life. On judgment day, each person will have to answer for him or herself. While we are here I need someone who can help me pray. This goes back to the Learner and Teacher qualities that I want in a woman.

Faithful – I do not mean faithful as in not cheating here, but that does apply. What I am talking about is a woman who believes in her man and our relationship. Yes, I know that I have to prove myself to her in order for that to happen. I am willing to do my part. As Ike told Anna Mae, “You got to have faith in me!” A woman who believes in what we are doing